When you want to talk, but the person you think of doesn't want to disturb it, is this alienation?
This is a question from a netizen. I don't know why, but at first glance, I felt a little sigh in my heart. After thinking about it several times, I decided to answer it.
First of all, from the perspective of the scene, it is very familiar, not to tell my own story, just say a scene of the TV series "The Sideburns Are Not Begonia Red":
In the first 20 episodes, there was a period of time when Shang Xirui was excluded, and there was no theatre for him to rehearse. Arranged for him.
In a fit of anger, Shang Xirui thought: I will build a theater by myself, and I will never ask for help or look at people's faces.
However, building a theater is a very expensive project. With the cash on hand, Shang Xirui is barely able to maintain a theater troupe's daily expenses. At this time, people in the troupe suggested Shang Xirui: With such a good relationship between you and the second master, and the second master is so rich, as long as you speak up, won't this matter be solved?
But Shang Xirui is unwilling to live or die.
The theory, however, always runs away.
More of a feeling than a rational reason. At that time, Shang Xirui felt that the second master was different from other fans. He didn't like or appreciate his plays at all, but understood him as a person. Therefore, Shang Xirui did not want the relationship between him and the second master to break this simple state.
It seems that Shang Xirui can speak for any other person, but this person who "understands him" can't.
Therefore, there was a section where Shang Xirui used the life-saving money left by his ancestors later.
- The better friends, the better and purer the relationship.
Shang Xirui's mentality, simply changed, is:
The more people we value, the more we want to maintain a simple relationship, and we don’t want to be mixed in by things that the world might use as a talkative.
This is not that ordinary relationship.
A good friend can make an appointment to go shopping, have a meal, and spend an afternoon when you have nothing to do, but the pleasure that this relationship gives us is often in the stimulation of the senses, just like playing a game, which is a timely pleasure.
After that, if you really want to separate, let go and let go. Things that have not been in contact for a few years are also commonly used.
But those, who don't usually contact each other, will only remember when something really happens. Is this kind of relationship alienation? I don't think so, this relationship gives us a sense of security. It's more of a spiritual relationship.
The contrast between the two is like the usual food and spiritual food, the former keeps us alive and the latter keeps us alive.
And the dividing line between this is: Can you allow the simplicity of this relationship to be destroyed.
It can be tasted here by two sentences:
The first sentence: the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water
The second sentence: When the water is clear, there will be no fish
I won't go into details about the reasoning, the guest officer asks you to take a closer look.
Second, to feel, or to result?
Back to the topic itself, it is obviously the person we value, or the person we rely on spiritually. When we encounter a problem, we don’t tell him because we are worried about bothering others. What is the usual result?
The person who is valued by us will feel that he is not valued because you would rather find someone else than him.
Look, is it a little bit bloody?
This is where the contradiction comes.
From the results, the rational method is more of the best of both worlds, while the emotional choice and unwillingness to disturb often backfire.
In the workplace, we often discuss this question: is the feeling important or the result important?
You are a newcomer and you are stuck when you encounter difficulties. At this time, you really want to solve the problem by your own ability, thinking that the leader is very busy, and you do not want to think that such a trivial matter will delay his time.
So you're on the hook for yourself.
You have invested time and you are in a rut. Sometimes the computer is stuck, and the operation is unfamiliar. After a while, it may not be saved.
As a result, when it was time to get off work, the leader came over to ask you a golden sentence, you hesitated and fidgeted, and had to say: leader, I haven't finished it yet...
You look at the leader's face, and you seem to want to get angry, but things are still waiting to be handed over to the next link, and colleagues in other departments are still waiting. So the leader didn't say anything, took your computer, took 10 minutes, and dealt with it...
How are you feeling at this time?
Then we think about it, what is the mentality of the leader?
Most likely, you will feel wronged. Because you are kind.
But the boss will feel like a rogue, because your good intentions have not done good things. The last day's time is all wasted. If you say that you want to criticize you, your attitude and original intention are good; if you say that you want to praise you, if it is not the leader who personally closes it, it is hard to say what the outcome will be.
The workplace is a realistic place, and a realistic place pays attention to "speaking with results".
Going back to the plot of our dog blood, you are kind and don't want to trouble the people you care about;
As a result, the people you valued think they are not valued and feel hurt.
So there is an inexplicable misunderstanding between you...
Is this result what you want?