The inability to communicate in the workplace is really frustrating: not because you can't speak, but because you can't ask questions!

Real communication is not just about chatting

The company's Xiao Jiang was very distressed. He was often complained by colleagues that he couldn't speak.

However, when he is with his colleagues and friends, he is just a chatterbox. Talking is like going to an ice skating rink, and he can't stop talking. He can talk non-stop, and his speech is witty and humorous, and the topic is endless.

However, this situation is limited only between him and familiar friends.

The inability to communicate in the workplace is really frustrating: not because you can't speak, but because you can't ask questions!

If he encounters an unfamiliar person or encounters a leader, he is like a different person, his mind is blank, he knows what to say, but he just doesn't know how to say it. Even if you open your mouth, it's an awkward chat. You can't find that point. You talk about it in the east, pull it out in the west, and don't say anything after finishing this sentence. The atmosphere is very embarrassing.

Once a colleague really couldn't see it, and kindly reminded him that you need to study the communication skills in the workplace.

So what are the communication skills needed in the workplace?

Baidu's explanation is: "For a set goal, information, thoughts and emotions are transmitted among individuals or groups, and the process of reaching a common agreement".

I checked the chat again by the way: "Speak and talk in your spare time."

Got it, Xiaojiang is confusing the concepts of communication and chat.

A master of communication is a master of questioning

The author of "How to Ask Questions Effectively", Japanese communication expert Takashi Saito, believes that if you want to improve your communication skills, learning to ask questions is a very good way.

The inability to communicate in the workplace is really frustrating: not because you can't speak, but because you can't ask questions!

For example, Confucius, the founder of Confucianism, often used the method of asking questions to discuss issues with his disciples.

The ancient Greek thinker Socrates was also a questioner. He just uses the way of asking questions to remind people, so that they can wake up from the fog and discover themselves.

Having good questioning skills not only allows us to have a deep conversation with the other person, but also allows us to gain an excellent experience with the other person.

What are good questions?

A "good question" can often shorten the distance between the two parties in an instant and guide the other party to express his true thoughts.

Which are good questions?

01 Specific and essential questions

For example, in the question "what do you usually do?", "what do you do" is a specific question. But "usually" is not an essential issue. It is easy to cause the other party to answer perfunctorily: "I didn't do anything", and the conversation is directly over.

But if you replace the question with "what did you do after get off work yesterday?", it is a specific and essential question, and the topic can be extended.

02 To each other's problems

Let's first look at the characteristics of children's and adults' questions.

When a child asks a question, he only asks it according to his own interests and hobbies, and never considers the other party's situation. This "wishful thinking" style of questioning will soon end.

When adults ask questions, they mature a lot. The questions asked will be based on the other party's situation, interests, and level of concern. That is, the issue needs to fit the current situation and at the same time be of mutual concern.

When the question is what you want to ask and the other party wants to answer, it is consensual, and the topic will continue to emerge.

03 Issues where the present and the past intersect

The inability to communicate in the workplace is really frustrating: not because you can't speak, but because you can't ask questions!

In layman's terms, it is to ask what the occasion is, and the topic should not only be suitable for the atmosphere and scene at that time, but also suitable for the past experience of the respondent.

For example, when enjoying a candlelight dinner with a friend, you can ask him where he has had an impressive dinner in the past and what special dishes he has eaten.

04How to ask questions at the first meeting

In addition to the types of questions, the methods of chatting and communicating are very different. Even if the speech is humorous and eloquent, but the method is wrong, good communication will become a chat. If it is in the workplace, it will not only affect the professional image, but even affect the trust of both parties.

So how to get started? How can we reach in-depth communication from the first meeting?

You can add your own opinions while echoing what the other party said, and then you can change the topic according to the situation.

For example, we can use nodding, say "Ah", "Oh" or "So it is", "Is that so?"

Of course, I think this simple echo is not to please the other party. The purpose of echoing is to resonate with the other party in order to stimulate the other party's desire to talk.

Think about it, if we meet someone who thinks the same way, has similar experiences, or has the same hobbies and interests, and can meet someone who understands me so well, would we instantly feel that when we meet a confidant in the world, our favorability will rise immediately, and our mood will begin to feel happy, right? Are you talking more?

Of course, as a questioner, you still need to continue to practice more in-depth attachment skills, because you will meet people who you usually know a little bit about, and the few tricks just now won't work.

The inability to communicate in the workplace is really frustrating: not because you can't speak, but because you can't ask questions!

There are also tricks here. For example, everyone's life experience must have ups and downs, not static, and every change will definitely bring people an indelible impression. Therefore, before and after the change, many stories can be found, and people often like to tell stories about their own dramatic changes. At this time, you can ask questions about the dramatic changes of the other party, which will definitely arouse the enthusiasm of the other party to tell them.

05How to ask questions from professionals

If you meet a professional, you will have to put in a little effort, because you have to respect the professional knowledge of the other party and understand this knowledge in advance, so that you can ask quality questions and make the other party feel that you have worked hard, If you are not a layman, you can't just casually say a few words, and the topic can be expanded naturally.

By echoing, the two sides of the communication have "resonance", and then you can transfer the topic to the topic you want to expand.

How to transfer it?

Two steps are given in the book.

First of all, use the echoing technique to summarize the real meaning of the conversation, so that the other party feels that you are really listening to me and that you really understand my mood.

Then, when starting the conversation along the topic, use the questioning method of "What kind of thing is it specifically referring to?" to expand the topic.

But if the specific topics that can be said are too long to accept, then use the previous good question No. 1 to ask the essential question.

During the conversation, you can introduce topics related to the other party into your own topic or integrate your own experience into the other party's context. It is also a very clever way to integrate topics.