70% of office workers encounter cold violence in the workplace, their future is confused and they are tired

Xiao Zhang is an assistant to the manager. He works diligently and handles things very appropriately. He is highly valued by the manager. However, at a work meeting a few years ago, Xiao Zhang had an impulsive argument with the manager on the spot because he was dissatisfied with the content of the work plan.

After Xiao Zhang calmed down, he took the initiative to apologize to the manager, but the manager responded indifferently.

Since that conflict, the manager's attitude towards Xiao Zhang has turned 180 degrees. Not only does he ignore Xiao Zhang, he also asks others to transfer his work, and sometimes he is not allowed to attend work meetings.

This made Xiao Zhang feel pressured. He took the initiative to talk to the manager several times, but was rejected by the manager for various reasons. Colleagues also began to alienate him, and even made trouble several times and deliberately embarrassed him.

One day, Xiao Zhang overheard a colleague say that the manager was recruiting new assistants, and then kicked Xiao Zhang to another department. Hearing this, Xiao Zhang's mood plummeted and he finally chose to resign.

Xiao Zhang's experience is actually a kind of cold violence in the workplace.

What is workplace cold violence?

It means that in the workplace, people use cold and violent ways to stimulate each other, for example, ridicule, ignore, or even deliberately deprive the right to work, causing serious emotional and psychological harm to the violent party.

Zhaopin has done a related survey, and 67% of people said they had encountered cold violence in the workplace. After encountering "cold violence", people are prone to psychological stress such as anxiety, loss, and frustration. However, only 16.9% of the people would take positive communication with each other, while others chose to tolerate, resign, or deal with cold violence with coldness and violence.

Workplace cold violence

01 Hidden in the snow

Like Xiao Zhang, his work ability has nothing to say. Not only can he be on his own, but he can also help his superiors reduce the workload. It can be said that he is a rare good helper in the workplace.

However, a public dispute made the manager feel that his authority was being challenged and he lost face. So I just put Xiao Zhang to dry. Xiao Zhang's work, the manager also deliberately let others do it, should Xiao Zhang participate in the regular meeting, the manager will find various reasons to give him away and not let him participate.

This cold reception made him depressed and dull.

02 is isolated

Xiao Han is an introvert by nature and doesn't talk much. Some of my colleagues like to go shopping and talk about luxury goods, some like to gossip and chat together, and their parents are short-lived, while some colleagues have already married and established a business, and they talk about family chores all day long, and their children eat and drink.

Xiao Han has no interest in these small office circles at all, and does not want to participate in such small talk, preferring to work alone.

70% of office workers encounter cold violence in the workplace, their future is confused and they are tired

70% of office workers encounter cold violence in the workplace, their future is confused and they are tired

As a result, colleagues began to reject and hate him, and even some work collaborations made things difficult for him everywhere.

Xiao Han had to apply for a transfer from the department.

03 conflicts

At the company's regular meeting, Xiao Chen thought that his colleague Xiao Li's promotion plan was unrealistic, so the two had a fierce dispute.

Xiao Chen was more emotional, and his words were stimulating, which made Xiao Li embarrassed. Afterwards, Xiao Chen not only didn't feel guilty, but felt that it was for work, and he didn't take it to heart.

A few months later, the company set up a project team and asked them to be responsible. Unexpectedly, Xiao Li always picks on Xiao Chen's thorns, goes to the leader to complain at every turn, and makes Xiao Chen take the blame.

In the end, the leaders began to look at Xiao Chen more and more.

Similar "cold violence" is staged in the workplace every day.

What if we were forced to accept workplace cold violence?

The famous psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in his book "Being an Apple Tree That Grows Forever":

At work, you must find a way to have your own power space and maintain your living space.

01 Get rid of self-suggestion and take the initiative

Cold violence is a spiritual, non-physical communication. In most cases, because of the lack of verbal communication between the two sides, in fact, we are beaten down by a negative suggestion from ourselves.

We can use cold violence as an opportunity to grow and exercise, instead of giving ourselves negative psychological cues, we can positively influence each other to protect ourselves from harm.

We need to understand and take the initiative to propose what we really want to get at work, in order to avoid the cold violence caused by deep grievances with each other.

In fact, we were treated coldly because we were not doing well enough in some aspect. There is no need to speculate on what the other person thinks.

They just remind us in a nonchalant or sarcastic way that something is wrong, and they are waiting for us to admit or correct it.

02 Make good use of anchoring and say no to cold violence bravely

Anchoring means that a person who likes to use cold violence is also easily threatened by cold violence from others. Because in his mind, he believes that cold violence is useful, which means that after he implements cold violence in the workplace, it does have a certain effect on us.

70% of office workers encounter cold violence in the workplace, their future is confused and they are tired

70% of office workers encounter cold violence in the workplace, their future is confused and they are tired

So, he made such a subconscious psychological setting: since cold violence can work, he threatens us with cold violence. Since cold violence can have an effect, similarly, when other people threaten him with cold violence, he will naturally become very scared, because he will make him effective, so he believes that "only violence can control the situation." violence".

Therefore, when the other party has a tendency to be cold and violent, we should say "NO" in time to dispel his cold and violent anchoring from the beginning.

At the same time, we must not be afraid or show weakness when we encounter cold violence, otherwise the other party will think that he should use cold violence, and you deserve to be abused.

03 Practice the opposite way to enhance your own immunity

Going the opposite way means that our response to cold violence is the opposite of what the other party expects, making cold violence useless.

Faced with cold violence in the workplace, most of us react to psychologically suppressed emotions and reluctantly accept being cold and violent.

This is our habitual response and the one that the abuser expects us to do.

At this point you have to say to yourself: "I'm being treated like this, and it's normal to react like this. But if you want to avoid being cold and violent, you have to practice doing the opposite."

So at this time, what we have to do is, to the surprise of the other party, we don't take this matter to heart, and we don't care about the perpetrator, and tell him that it has nothing to do with it.

This will disrupt the original setting in the other party's heart. Gradually, he will feel that using cold violence will not produce the expected effect every time. Over time, he will not be willing to use this trick again.

Of course, under normal circumstances, there is no way for us to do it all at once, so we can constantly exercise our response to cold violence.

For example, if the other party used cold violence against us five times in a day, then for one of them, we should constantly practice telling ourselves, don't care, don't take it to heart.

In this way, a little bit every day, strengthen your heart, and gradually your response to cold violence in the workplace will improve a lot.