Exaggerated self-esteem! Parents' 'praise' is not love, but a kind of 'praise'
"Encouraging education" encourages children to learn to be brave and strong, and encourages children to be self-motivated. Encouraging education is not praise education. Blindly "good words" can only make children "blindly confident".
The inferiority of "bragging"
Sanjie considers herself to be an open-minded and fashionable parent. They love to read books about educating children. When they see the "encouraging education" method, they start to praise and praise the child. Until one day, the child runs to Sanjie and complains. Call her a "big liar".
The third sister got married late and had children at a later age. The birth of her son was much loved by the family. The third sister, who was determined to encourage and educate her child, always said to her son, "You are the best!" You're the best.
The son who started the first grade, made a little frog in a manual homework. From a bystander's point of view, this little frog is not doing well, and parents always bring their own filters to see their children.
After completing the handmade products, the son, who was praised by his parents, went to sleep happily. The next day, the son was put back home, and when he entered the house, he cried to the third sister, "Mom is a liar, mother is a big liar".
The son's crying made the third sister stunned. After comforting her son, the third sister restored the truth of the incident.
The next day at school, my son happily took the little frog to school. When he arrived at the class, his son found that other classmates did much better than him. It was green, and I also painted eyes for the little frog, and there were also small black spots on the body.
Although the son also thinks that the frog at the same table is better, but when he thinks of his mother saying that his own is the best. So I took out my little frog.
After seeing it at the same table, he asked his son: Why doesn't your frog have a color. The son said: I am the white frog.
The same table said: You are talking nonsense, I have never seen a white frog, and your frog is so ugly.
After listening to the son, he retorted loudly. Following the quarrel between the son and the same table, other classmates also gathered around and said that the son's frog was ugly.
The anxious son burst into tears and emphasized that my mother said that what I do is the best and yours is the ugliest.
The son's deskmate said directly: Your mother lied to you, you are so ugly.
Listening to the words of the same table, and looking at the little frogs in the hands of other children, the son was very sad, but the teacher came over and comforted the son.
Since then, the son seems to have changed a person. He slowly stopped talking to the third sister about the school. After doing things, the son also began to retreat. He was eager to deny his son, and was eventually rejected by his parents. Pride becomes self-pity.
Praising education is not the same as encouraging education. This is not love, but flattery
It's easy to ruin a child, praise him, praise him hard!
Praise is not encouragement. Praise is a kind of incentive, but this kind of incentive cannot be used all the time. Using too much will only increase the child's "blind" self-confidence, which is not conducive to the child's growth.
Here we still have to revisit the story of "scaring Zhongyong". If his parents and villagers hadn't praised Fang Zhongyong, he would not have been complacent. The praise of the crowd also made Fang Zhongyong blindly confident, and eventually he didn't want to make progress. Such an end.
In addition to Fang Zhongyong, there are many such examples around us, so I will not list them one by one here.
So what is the difference between praising education and encouraging education?
- Praise is for things, and encouragement is for people
Praise is for children who have done something right and learned a certain skill; while encouragement is aimed at children, allowing them to try some new things that they have not been exposed to, so that children can increase their self-confidence.
- Praise is praise, encouragement and support
Praise is to praise a child for doing a good job, while encouragement is to support a child's ideas and choices. The original intention is different, the purpose will be different.
In life, often saying these words is more important than "compliment"
- What do you think?
When the child has a problem, don't give the answer directly. You can ask your child "what do you think" and let the child think for himself.
- I believe you can do it
When children face difficulties and want to escape, parents can say "I believe" and "you can do it" to their children, such encouraging words.
- Maybe this would be better
When children show their own achievements to their parents, it is worth affirming the quality of things. Affirm the child's own behavior, but when the child's work is really unsatisfactory, don't just praise it, but give opinions, you can say "maybe Mom/Dad thinks this may be better" and so on.