'Brother, if you have anything to do, look for brother': lasting connections do not depend on lip service
"When you go out, you need to make more friends." "There are many friends, and there are many ways. Only when you encounter something in the future will someone help you." In this case?
In the eyes of older people, they believe that a person needs a lot of connections in life and work, and they do everything possible to expand their connections. But sometimes, we just focus on expanding personal connections, but we don't have the corresponding ability to maintain them. As a result, the established personal connections are not reliable or long-term, and people often take tea to cool off.
So much importance is attached to personal connections, but what is the reason for such a situation?
- Personal connections are very important, but it is not reliable enough if you want him
There is a friend who is optimistic and cheerful, outgoing and generous, very helpful, and thinks that others are also like him.
While in college, he joined the school's outreach department and became a minister through competition. After joining the Outreach Department, he made many friends in the society. The manager of this company, the director of that department, all called him brothers and sisters.
Whenever there is an event in the school that needs to be sponsored, he just needs to call them and everything will be done. The classmates in the dormitory are all joking with him. Now it's amazing. I know so many people, so I don't have to worry about work in the future. Although he said that there is no such beautiful thing in his mouth, there is not a trace of such thoughts in his heart.
In his senior year, he resigned as the director of the school's external affairs department because he was busy with internships. When he became the Minister of External Relations, the so-called personal connections that he had established before seemed to have changed. Those supervisors and managers who used to call him brothers not only forgot what they had said about introducing him to work. What's more, while refusing to provide him with event sponsorship, even the phone was blocked.
He was a little confused. How did everything change in the blink of an eye?
I admire one of his teachers for enlightening him, which is actually a very normal thing. When he was the head of the External Relations Department, these supervisors were willing to sponsor him. On the one hand, they were selling the face of the school's External Relations Department, and on the other hand, they advertised their company while providing sponsorship. It's a win-win situation.
But when he stepped down as Minister of External Relations, the relationship between him and the school became the relationship between ordinary students and the school. No amount of time and energy was spent by those managers on him, and there was no visible return, so the connection was broken.
It is very simple to establish a relationship between people. You only need to meet face-to-face and get to know each other, and you can use the bragging about "who I know" as a talk of establishing a personal relationship in your spare time. But the connections that really come in handy are not that you know me, that we can be successful with a little interaction. In order to have a long-lasting relationship, you must put in enough effort to maintain it.
Second, the relationship between people should be long-term, and the following principles should not be thrown away.
- To exchange for equivalent.
The most important point of personal connections is the exchange of courtesy. Today, there is a thing that has troubled me for a long time and can't be solved. You helped me solve my worries. When you are in trouble tomorrow, I will lend a helping hand to let you go through it safely. In this way, mutual help and trouble can establish equal interpersonal relationships.
If there is only one between the two, one side blindly troubles the other, asks the other for help, and asks the other to help with things, then this is not a benign relationship. Maybe the first or second time, the other party is still willing to help, but in the later stage, they may not be able to contact again.
A good network relationship is a state of equal power. Your level and position are equal to the position of the person you make friends with, and the exchange of benefits that can be given is almost equivalent. Only in this way can a network be established. relationship, or in other words, both parties recognize this relationship. If the status of the two sides is too disparate, then this relationship is like a rootless weed, floating around and not reliable.
If the other person's status is lower than yours, then in general, you don't take this relationship to heart. If the other party's status is higher than yours, then you will not be seen by the other party. So only when you can give a return of equal value, can you gain a firm foothold in this class and establish a solid relationship.
- Always think about each other and not be selfish.
Although the relationship is to help and help us when we encounter troubles or difficult things, a suitable relationship is not for solving troubles and aftermath. Whether it is a person or a deed, it is about heart-to-heart. We should think the same way before we build relationships.
In the process of helping each other, the two should treat each other frankly instead of harming the interests of others to benefit themselves. Therefore, one principle should be kept in mind in interpersonal communication: always consider each other's sake and not be selfish. Just think, how can a selfish person ask others to help him selflessly?
Even if it was the first time that they were pitted because they were unfamiliar with each other, this kind of thing could never last long, it was just a one-shot deal.
- To know that the grace of dripping water should be reciprocated by the spring.
The older generation pays special attention to helping the younger generation, and the employees who are promoted are very respectful to the elders who have the kindness to them. In fact, the same is true for the personal connections established in the workplace. Capable people are willing to help those employees who need to grow up, and those who have been helped will also keep goodwill in their hearts and be grateful.
But at the moment, the exchange of interests between people can make the relationship closer. Therefore, it is not enough to be grateful to those who help you, but also to give enough in return. Although the other party does not necessarily hope to obtain much benefit from you after helping, but repaying the kindness of dripping water should be an attitude that we need to show, and use this attitude to act.
I often hear people brag about "how many people I know" and "who I know", but when he encounters something, there are very few people who can help him. It can be seen that what they think is a good relationship is just an illusion of self-knowledge, and has not reached the point of mutual help. If you want to establish an alliance-style personal relationship that can watch and help you, you must stand at the same height. Only in this way can the relationship be maintained for a long time without being abandoned.