How to overcome the fear of public speaking? three steps to start
Most of us -- even those at the top, struggle with public speaking anxiety. What makes the speaker nervous? They always give the same answer:
"I don't like people staring at me."
"I don't like being the center of attention."
So when they stand up to speak, almost everyone avoids making eye contact with the audience at first. Here's the problem: While avoiding direct eye contact may seem like an effective strategy for dealing with speaking anxiety, it can actually make you more nervous.
To understand why, we need to go back to a time before humans saw staring at us as an existential threat. Those eyes could be predators. When our fight-or-flight response is triggered, we experience intense stress and anxiety, and our brains have shifted the previous fear of being watched to public speaking. In other words, public speaking anxiety is in our DNA. We consider public speaking an attack. Physiologically, we see the audience as a threatening predator and respond similarly. Many people's physical responses when speaking are similar to how they respond to physical signs of danger (shortness of breath, flushing, shaking).
So when we're talking in front of a group of people and we feel like our eyes are staring at us, we're going to be miserable, just like Neanderthals exposed to the sun. Because our brains tell us that we are under attack, we will do whatever is necessary to protect ourselves. We build a wall between ourselves and the source of danger (the spectator in this case), repelling the attack and reducing any danger.
What are these walls like? We focus on slides. Let's look down. We return it to our notes. In the process, we ignore the people in front of us and hope they can't see. Even confident speakers find ways to distance themselves from their audience.
When you talk about fear, start with these three steps:
- As you prepare, think about your audience.
The mistake we all make when we start preparing a speech is to start with the topic. This will immediately give us the ins and outs of — and make it harder for us to break down the barriers between us and others. Instead, start with the audience. Before learning more, ask yourself: Who will be in the room? why are they there? What do they need? The answer should be specific. Identify the audience's verbal and non-verbal needs and generate information that directly addresses those needs.
- Before you speak, rewire your brain.
You are nervous before you speak. This is the moment when your brain tells you "everyone is judging me." What if I fail? It's at this moment that you can refocus your brain. Remind yourself that you are here to help your audience. Use your brain to tell yourself firmly, "Brain, this talk is not about me." This is to help my audience. "Over time (usually between four and six speeches), your brain will start to understand that you will become less nervous.
- When speaking, make eye contact.
One of the mistakes we make is when talking to a group of people, we look at every corner of the scene, trying to look at everyone at the same time, and maybe no one notices.
Direct eye contact can be uncomfortable at first. However, when you practice more, it actually makes you less nervous. Having a series of one-on-one conversations is much easier (and more effective) than talking to everyone at the same time.