An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
A friend who I haven't seen for many years came to see me. During the chat, the friend found that I had a very bad problem. Because they are very familiar with each other, it is straightforward to point out without politeness: "You lack listening". This made me feel a little surprised. Although I didn't refute it, I resisted it.
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
I have always thought that I am good at communication, and there should not be too many problems in this most basic communication skill. Considering that my friend is an expert in human resources and training, and his reminder should have a certain professional basis, he promised his friend to pay attention to this issue.
Soon, an unpleasant conversation had a huge impact on me. The other party was eager to express his point of view, and when I explained the explanation, he was very impatient, constantly interjecting and interrupting the topic, which made me feel very annoyed. In the end, the conversation turned into a different talk, and the purpose of mutual communication could not be achieved. Thinking of my friend's criticism of my lack of listening, I suddenly found that the other party was like myself in the mirror, and I could only reluctantly admit that my friend was right.
- Listening is very important
We do not need to listen in most situations in our daily work and life. As long as we focus on understanding the meaning of the conversation, we can achieve the desired communication effect. At this time, our attention will be placed on ourselves, listening to the other party’s words, making judgments automatically in our hearts, and thinking about how we should respond. This allows you to respond quickly and efficiently to the content of the conversation, and it also saves the resource overhead of the brain. It is the most comfortable listening state for humans. For example, if you listen to the waiter introducing the menu in a restaurant, your focus is how much you need to spend today, what kind of taste you eat, and which dish meets your requirements. If you need to know more about the details, you will directly interject to ask, and if you are satisfied, you will immediately decide to order this dish. This is the first level of listening and is the most common way people communicate.
The second level of listening is to pay attention to the other person, to focus on the speaker, and to stop the automatic judgment and response thoughts in your mind. The listener should pay attention to the details of the talker's words, expressions, body language, etc., notice what he said, what he said and what he didn't say, feel his emotions such as joy, calm, sadness or anger, and enter the situation he is expressing. world. This level is often reached when you are engrossed in enjoying a very good sketch, or listening to feedback from leaders on relevant content such as your job rank. On this basis, if you can further listen in an all-round, contextual and structured way, and understand the contextual relationship, the surrounding context, and the ins and outs of the discourse, you will reach the third level. Not only hear the other person's speech, but also feel the tone, tone, speed, rhythm and energy level, as well as the information conveyed by subtle changes in body language. Listening requires us to at least reach the second level, and the third level is better, but more difficult.
Listening is one of the very important skills of interpersonal communication. In key conversations or in-depth communication, if the listener lacks listening, it will make the talker feel that their words are irrelevant and not being respected, they will feel uncomfortable, affect their willingness to talk, will not open their hearts, and may even make it happen. Fight against emotions and stop communicating. For the listener, if they do not listen enough, they will ignore many details provided by the talker, and cannot effectively grasp the content of the information, thereby affecting analysis and feedback, and even making misjudgments, resulting in follow-up mistakes. When it feels that the other party is not listening, it is difficult to generate the necessary trust between them, which affects the efficiency and effectiveness of dialogue and communication, hinders the further development of the relationship between the two parties, and may cause unnecessary misunderstandings.
If the listener can fully listen, it will bring positive factors to the conversation. The talker can fully feel the goodwill and understanding of the other party, feel more secure and relaxed, willing to open their hearts to connect with them, and express their opinions and opinions fully. , listeners are also more able to obtain the information they want and learn more knowledge. Only by truly listening can the two parties be able to talk, the topic can be deepened, the understanding between the two parties can be enhanced, and the mutual trust will continue to increase, thus forming a good and continuous interactive relationship, making it easier to reach consensus and make communication more effective. Great effect.
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
- The manifestations and reasons of lack of listening
The most prominent manifestation of lack of listening is that the listener pays more attention to himself in the conversation than to the other party. When the other party speaks, the listener is more focused on preparing the content of the response. Always like to interject and interrupt others before the other person finishes speaking. When the other party speaks for a long time, they will lose patience and can't help showing an impatient attitude, and even directly say what they guessed the other party wants to express, so that the other party can confirm whether it is what they understand, or ask the other party to speak Be concise. I always feel that my point of view is important and needs the understanding and support of the other person, but I am not willing to think deeply and understand the point of view of the other side. When others mention some of the problems and confusions they have found, they start pointing fingers whether they want to or not.
Most people have been good listeners when they were growing up. It is precisely because of this that he can gradually grow up in life and work. With the increase of age and the improvement of positions, some people will gradually show more and more lack of listening ability. The reason should be that there are some misunderstandings in the mind. First of all, I feel that I have a relatively strong professional ability and rich life and work experience. I think that everyone knows what others have said and has experienced what happened. I will tell you the answer directly, and you just do it. Secondly, as the workload of the post is getting heavier and heavier, I always feel that there is not enough time, and the communication efficiency needs to be improved, which will emphasize the dominance of the conversation. Many times in the conversation, I am willing to look for labels, and when I hear a part of the information, I use my past experience to make up other content by myself. I think I have mastered the whole thing, and I already have conclusions and opinions, so I lose the patience to continue listening. Mistakenly believing that you are better and more correct, that your time is more important, and fail to see the potentially enormous value that the person you are talking to can bring.
On the other hand, it may be due to inflated vanity. Frequent interjection and interruption of others is nothing more than wanting to show the other party: I have already understood what you said, whether my understanding is very deep, whether I am very insightful, don’t think you are I will fully accept what I say, my level is so high. As business and technology evolve, a lot of work involves areas we are not familiar with. The division of labor in society and enterprises is becoming more and more detailed, and many jobs are becoming more and more specialized. It is impossible for you to master all knowledge, skills and information. You must maximize the potential of all personnel and rely on everyone's help. A large number of past experience tags cannot be used invariably and continuously, and it is necessary to dig into the details to discover the existing changes and dig out possible new information. Many leaders and experts who were once very successful are often ruthlessly slapped in the face by the follow-up facts and losses because of their blind and confident opinions or arrangements.
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
- Improve listening ability
Most people grow up with little conscious focus on improving listening skills. When we were in school, we had a special course to learn how to write. After work, we would receive training on how to report and speak. The purpose is to exercise our expressive ability. And when it comes to listening, we have very little training. Only a few parents or leaders will ask us some of this, and some level of guidance. More depends on each person's understanding and self-adjustment from experience. When I knew that I lacked listening skills, I tried to make changes in my daily communication, but after trying for a while, I found that the results did not seem to be significant, and I felt that I could not find the focus.
After consulting my friend, I learned that improving listening ability is not enough just to recognize the problem. It also requires corresponding training, and after a certain period of continuous practice, it can be gradually consolidated and an instinctive habit can be formed. Just like learning to swim, you must not only listen to others, but also practice in the water. Following the advice of my friends, I participated in a training course on coaching leadership. Many of them are of great help in improving your listening skills. A lot of classroom practice, coupled with persistent practice for a long time after the class, my listening problem has improved significantly. Not only did my family, friends and colleagues report that the conversation with me became smoother, but I also felt that I could hear more, and the communication efficiency was greatly improved.
To listen well, first of all, make a change in thinking and understanding, and fully trust the speaker. Believe that the other party has all the skills required for communication, can fully provide relevant information and bring you value, and the expression method used is the best choice he can make. You do not need any help or hints, as long as you are patient to get the best results from the conversation. With that kind of trust, you can let yourself relax and stop thinking about controlling and directing the conversation, and let the conversation flow freely like a brook. Secondly, you can imagine that there is a stage light in your mind, hitting the other speaker all the time, attracting your full attention and making you full of curiosity. This makes it easier to focus and center on the other person and focus all your attention on the person and what the other person has to say.
With trust and focus, it is easier for the listener to shut down his inner dialogue, shutting down all judgments, opinions, and suggestions, and avoiding behaviors that interfere with listening. Don't rush to guess what the other person will say next. Find the answers you want without obvious subjective bias and prejudice. Don't guess what it will say next. It's not that your own mind jumps faster than the speaker. Don't try to understand what the other person hasn't said yet. Don't focus on thinking about how to refute a specific little point the other party is saying. Do not interrupt the conversation and interrupt the train of thought of the talker because you want to explore the content or details of the direction you are interested in. Don't make small moves, don't get distracted, and don't mind the characteristics of other people's speeches.
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
An important communication skill that is easily overlooked
There is also an easier way to get you into a listening state quickly. When talking to the other person, find a pen and paper to record the main points of the other person's conversation. Don't think that taking notes will distract you from listening, but the opposite is true. When you are in the state of listening at the first level, thinking about your own judgment and response, you will definitely not be able to record the main points of the other party's conversation. Taking notes forces you to focus on the other person, to focus on what they have said and what they want to say, and you will naturally enter a listening state. Recording key points will not adversely affect the timeliness of conversation feedback. The other party doesn't mind that you need to think for a few seconds before responding, but that you fully understand and grasp the main points of their conversation and give proper feedback. When I first started working many years ago, the seniors of the unit repeatedly emphasized that the leader must take notes when talking to you. Now it seems very reasonable. Many young people today are willing to type on their cell phones or laptops to take notes. This is just as effective as enhancing listening, but it should let the speaker know that you are paying attention to the notes and not doing other unrelated things.