Really powerful people have no sense of existence, there is a kind of aura called existence
Text|Xia Jiujiu
01
The best way to make someone miserable is to make him non-existent.
Forgot to read a particularly cruel saying: the best way to make a person miserable is to make him non-existent.
There are too many such experiences and examples in life where someone speaks in a group and no one responds and interacts. The other party will say, everyone has to interact with me, otherwise I will have no sense of existence. Of course, those who speak like this are often the leaders and controllers in the group, and they have more right to speak.
But most people, when they talk in the group, are ignored, embarrassment is second, they may think a lot, are they not good at speaking? Are you too unpopular? An inner drama plays out.
In the end, I lost my sense of existence, but I could only digest it myself.
Everyone has the need to brush the sense of existence, but not brushing the sense of existence is the normal state of life. The meaning behind the word sense of existence is that you want to see me, you have to praise me, you have to support you, and you have to recognize me.
Everyone is so busy and there is so much information, how can there be time to pay attention to you and recognize you?
Is it because you are excellent, you are powerful, you make a lot of money, and you have a high status, so I should respond to you loudly and worship you? Is it because you are kind, you are beautiful, you are cute, and you are vulnerable, should I praise you, encourage you, and let you? the answer is negative.
It may be a bit of an exaggeration, but the truth is so heartbreaking.
People who think this way often have a default setting: others want to see me, follow me, affirm me, respond to me, otherwise I will feel very hit. This is really fragile!
In fact, whether you are good or not has nothing to do with others. That is to say, even if you are excellent and powerful, others will not necessarily see you. If you are ignored and denied, it will still happen.
If we have been living in a state where others determine our sense of existence, it is actually a shackle - not only kidnapping others, but also imprisoning ourselves.
02
Really powerful people have no sense of existence
After starting my business for more than a year, I frequently went out to study on various occasions and met a lot of amazing people. The more I learned, the more I saw, and the more people I knew, the more I felt that I lacked a lot. In a field full of experts, I admitted that I was a little inferior. The more inferior you are, the more you want to behave better, so you strive for the opportunity to express yourself and let others see you.
If the feedback from others is good, you can also give yourself a little more confidence. If there is little feedback from the outside world, you will feel that you are really bad, so you will feel more inferior, and you will feel that you have no sense of existence. The latter is the majority.
Later, I wanted to understand one thing: as long as I go out, I can always meet people who are better than me, and I don't need to feel inferior because of this. As long as I come out to meet people, there will always be people who don't like me, it doesn't matter if I'm good or not.
When I walked into those really powerful people and talked deeply, I found that they all have the same mentality. The powerful aura we see does not come from our own achievements and popularity, but just what you think is true, because they will often meet people who are more powerful and better than themselves when they go out.
A truly powerful aura and a stable core must be inseparable from your high recognition of yourself. Because you have a high degree of recognition of yourself, you don't need external recognition. Therefore, they will not deliberately brush the sense of existence, and naturally there is no sense of existence. unless it is for commercial purposes.
The more you need the approval of others, the more you criticize yourself. Because you can't recognize yourself, you need others to recognize you. If you have a score of -80 on yourself, you need the approval of others with a score of 80 in order to achieve a psychological balance. If you don't get it, you will suffer and blame yourself.
But when your self-recognition can reach 100 points, you can also self-recognize when others don't give you. You are nourished when others recognize you. Because this extra, nourishes yours.
Later, when I associate with people who are stronger than me, I feel a lot more at ease. I no longer force myself to be seen, and I no longer desire them to feel good about me. Be yourself and get more positive feedback.
03
Stop brushing on presence, what we need is presence
In fact, what we should pursue is existence, not existence.
People who live by a sense of presence will be very tired and easily collapsed. Instead of brushing on the sense of existence, it is better to let yourself have the power of existence. These two words are only one word apart, but they are two heavens.
What is existence? Social psychologist and Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy defines it this way in her book High Energy Postures:
Presence arises when we feel that our personal power is strong. Presence enables us to be acutely aware of our truest feelings and to have a strong connection with ourselves.
What is personal power?
There are two kinds of power that everyone can use in this society, one is called social power, and the other is called personal power.
What is social power? Refers to the power gained by controlling a large number of important resources, such as money, status, fame, houses, etc. Ability to control and influence others.
What is personal power? As far as I am not relying on money, status, or external resources to gain strength, but I am a person who radiates a kind of power from the inside out, such as a person's skills, abilities, values and personality, etc., make you feel that you are It is safe and comfortable to be with this person.
Personal power, which is not controlled and influenced by others, seems to be much weaker than social power, but on the contrary, it is a power that can be exploited indefinitely.
It is only when we feel a strong personal power that we can gain presence.
People who are in a state of existence display a variety of attractive qualities: enthusiasm, peace, consistency, trustworthiness, self-confidence without conceit, and so on.
Where does the force of existence come from? It stems from your deep belief in your own feelings, beliefs, worth, and abilities. These things are invisible. Padi said, "Presence is the outward expression of the inner self."
Fortunately, it can be improved and exercised.
Achieving existence requires not only knowing your true self, affirming your true self, but also thinking about how to express your true self. On the one hand, you need to tell yourself what is most important, and on the other hand, you need to grasp the way to express your true self.
That is to say, you have to go back to your core values, and then express your true self, and more importantly, if you are to be able to find the meaning of your existence, that is, your mission, the life picture you want to achieve, You will live out your presence, which is 100 times higher than any presence.