The greatest success of ordinary people is to jump out of the evaluation system of their parents

Only when you become what you want can the world become what you want. —— Fan Deng

Wang Xiaofei's stagnant career has a lot to do with her mother's strength;

The collapse of Wu Yifan's life has nothing to do with his mother's subconscious hints;

In reality, there are many people who have lost themselves and lived in the life script arranged by their parents.

From childhood to adulthood, because of my personality, my parents always worried about my self-perception bias and excessive arrogance. In order to avoid climbing and falling, they gave me a "critical" education all the time.

So that I grew up with a deep low self-esteem, and I always felt that I was not good enough to deserve the best.

One year after graduation, I did not dare to take the initiative to contact job seekers to make invitation calls, which resulted in my recruitment performance ranking at the bottom of the department;

I am afraid to be a whiteboard recorder in the activities organized by the company because I am worried that my handwriting will not look good;

I am afraid to do training in front of people because I am afraid that no one will listen; even, I am afraid to change jobs because I am afraid that I will not find a job;

……

If this state continues, I believe that there must be no me with the code in front of the screen.

Later, for some reasons, I escaped the shackles of my original family and came to Shenzhen, a city with a strong tolerance. This is the most correct choice I have made so far.

I contacted friends in the psychological circle and taught myself CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). There is an operation called "reality testing", that is, you can use facts to test other people's evaluation of yourself.

After changing the way of working, I was able to exceed the recruitment target and rank the top of the company in terms of performance;

Boldly organize training, design courses, share personal work experience and insights, and get affirmation from leaders;

Have a clear career plan, apply for promotion and job-hopping reasonably, and obtain a job and income that is personally satisfactory;

In the bottleneck period of career, resign and repair, boldly share the past and opinions, and open up your own media writing career;

……

With that, those "questioning" voices in my mind were overturned little by little. "Yeah, I've tried my best, I'm already great!" In that instant, I got rid of the parental stare in my head.

The greatest success of ordinary people is to jump out of the evaluation system of their parents! ——Wang Xin

Even now, I am not completely out of my parents' eyes, but I am more confident and calmer than before. I know I'm always on the road, just stride forward!

"Parents are happy - I'm not happy" is a lose-lose model. --classical

Once a person lives in a life designed by others and unconditionally accepts the evaluation and cognition of others, as long as it is not the life style you love, there is usually no happy ending.

So, what is the right way to get along with your parents?

"I am happy - my parents are unhappy" is a win-win model. --classical

Don't worry about disagreeing with your parents, because everyone is a lonely knight!

①Understand your parents' love for you, and don't complain about the way your parents express their love.

②Carefully listen to the life advice of parents, take the essence, get rid of the dross, try and experience at a low cost, the wrong is the experience, the good is the surprise.

③ Avoid self-destruction mode and use your own failures to try to prove your parents' mistakes. Because, you only have one life, you don't live to prove it to anyone, but only for yourself!

④In the meeting of life, parents only have the right to speak and make suggestions. We must think and consider carefully, but the decision-making power is always in our own hands.

While we are young, we still have choices in life, learn to love ourselves, learn to pay attention to ourselves and keep in touch with our hearts, we can listen more to our inner judgments, and slowly approach a life where "I have the final say" .

When we grow up to be what we like, we can be really happy, and our parents can be really happy.