Quarrel in the workplace: Use non-violent communication, three points to make communication go smoothly

Recently, the office has become more and more angry, and two colleagues are discussing problems. Xiao Zhang said, "There is a problem in the task you have completed." Xiao Lin said, "What's the problem?" Xiao Zhang said, "If you can't achieve your goal, you can't cooperate with my work. You have to cooperate with me." You come and go, and everyone has to cooperate with each other.

It can be heard from the people next to it, to the people at the table next to it, and finally the whole office can hear them. They let go of their patience, blushed, and started arguing.

At this time, no one obeyed the other, the problem was not solved, but the relationship was frozen. In the communication process of your words and my words, the emotions of both parties have been escalated, so that if the emotions take the initiative, the communication will not continue.

In the process of communication, if you let emotions dominate, there will be hidden verbal violence, Mahatma Gandhi said: "This hidden verbal violence is like the fuel supply of hellfire, punching and kicking is a kind of violence, Another type of violence we must not ignore is verbal violence."

After this kind of violence is activated, it is fatal to communication, so how to eliminate language violence? Then use nonviolent communication.

Quarrel in the workplace: Use non-violent communication, three points to make communication go smoothly

1 Nonviolent Communication

The famous Dr. Marshall Luxemburg discovered the magical and peaceful way of non-violent communication through which countless people around the world have attained love, harmony and happiness. In his book "Nonviolent Communication", he talked about how to conduct nonviolent communication.

Nonviolent communication consists of four elements. Its function is based on the interdependence of people, and then cooperation with people rather than coercion as the starting point, so as to achieve nonviolent communication.

1. The first element, the objective distinction between observed facts and comments on facts

It is not easy to objectively state what is observed, to look carefully at what is happening without presupposition, and to specify the actions and things that are affecting us. Fact, can not help but judge.

For example, if a colleague is late for the second time, if you say the truth: "You were late yesterday and today, what is the reason?"

And if you say: "You're always late, what's the matter?" That's with an evaluation, two days late and it's always late.

Here, to tell the facts, the facts should be irrefutable. After saying this, the other party will feel that you are right about the thing and not the person. Otherwise, they will think that you have an opinion on him, and then put forward a refutation, which may aggravate the contradiction between the two sides. .

2. The second element is to express your own feelings and thoughts, so that the other party can connect with your own heart

In this step, you need to be able to identify and express your inner body feeling and emotional state, without judgment, accusation, etc. This step is also to tell the truth to the other party, because what you do causes me to feel and think.

Be aware of the difference between feelings and thoughts (express feelings such as hurt, fear, joy, happiness, anger, etc.)

For example, when a colleague is late, he should tell the other party: "You are late, so the current meeting can only be postponed. I am not very happy, because this affects my follow-up work arrangement." This will arouse the other party's empathy.

3. The third element, stating the need that triggers the feeling

Feel whether the needs related to what is happening and how you feel, whether the needs common to all people (such as food, trust, understanding, etc.) are being met, and express your own needs.

Similarly, if you are late at the same time, you can tell the other party: "Everyone's time in the morning is very precious, and everyone has their own arrangements, so everyone must arrive on time for the morning meeting."

4. The fourth element, making a specific and clear request

Say a specific request, what you want, not what you don't want, and it is indeed a request rather than a request, hoping that the other person's behavior is out of sincere concern, not out of fear, guilt, shame, responsibility, etc.

In order to improve, you need to make specific requests and say to your colleagues: "I hope you arrive on time every morning, so that you can participate in the morning meeting, so that it will not affect the follow-up work."

All in all, the eight-character policy, facts, feelings, needs, and requests, so that the other party can easily accept it, rather than blurt out words, which may cause verbal violence and affect the relationship between the two parties.

To engage in nonviolent communication, we need to listen and respond correctly when communicating. In addition to listening to the other party's words, we also need to deal with emotions.

Quarrel in the workplace: Use non-violent communication, three points to make communication go smoothly

2 How to listen properly?

The first step in communication is listening. Only by understanding the other party, in addition to the facts, there are overtones, so that we can respond better.

1. Open Mind

The most important thing in listening is to have an open mind, that is, to be willing to listen to what the other person has to say.

There are many people who have a high mentality and feel that the other party is wrong. They communicate with people with prejudice, and they don't listen to what they say at all. They only see the other party's best relationship.

Then after the other party finishes speaking, show your own thoughts, regardless of what the other party says, if you don't listen to it, then your attitude is high, except for the leader, be afraid of your authority, otherwise you will definitely quarrel.

2. The three parts of listening

So how should you listen properly? In the communication with the other party, it is necessary to listen to the content of three parts.

The first is the facts. To hear the facts from the other party is the facts about the problem.

The second is emotion, which is the emotion in which the communicator speaks, such as anxious, angry, happy, normal, etc. Different emotions correspond to different meanings.

The third is the expected action, the other party expects your action after speaking.

For example, when eating in a restaurant, a dish has not been served. If you are in a hurry, the customer will find the waiter and say, "Why hasn't the dish I ordered been served yet?

At this time, the fact is that the customer has waited for a long time after ordering and has not been served. The mood is that the guests are a little impatient, and the expected action is to quickly bring the dishes.

If the literal understanding is that it is not finished, you really ask the kitchen, and then dismiss it if it is not done, so that the boss will not be happy, and the guests will not be happy.

Quarrel in the workplace: Use non-violent communication, three points to make communication go smoothly

3 How to respond correctly

After listening to the other party's words, you need to respond well, so how to respond correctly? Respond according to the results of listening.

First, confirm the facts. After listening to the other party's communication, confirm what the other party said is the truth. This is the starting point of our response.

Regarding the confirmation of facts, we as programmers have our own methods. When we communicate with product managers, the two sides have different thinking. After the product managers have explained the requirements, as programmers, we need to re-define our understanding of the requirements. Give it to the product manager again, so as to confirm that both sides have the same understanding, so that the matter is settled.

Second, respond to emotions. If you have emotions, you should stabilize the other person's emotions.

When communicating, this is very important. If the other party is very excited or anxious, and if you are unstable in his mood, what you say next will be ineffective.

Third, clear action, according to the other party's words, put forward clear action.

Be explicit, not vague, because that way the other person feels you're not fooling him.

When a guest urges a dish, the correct response should be that this dish is already being cooked, and I will urge it for you, and it will come up soon. Soothed the guests' emotions, and did not return the dishes, so that the boss and the guests were at ease.

Quarrel in the workplace: Use non-violent communication, three points to make communication go smoothly

4 write at the end

Konosuke Matsushita said: "Enterprise management is communication in the past, communication now, and communication in the future." This shows the importance of communication.

When communicating in the workplace, you need to let go of your own prejudices, otherwise verbal violence may be released. To communicate well, you should use nonviolent communication, the eight-character policy, facts, feelings, needs, and requests. When communicating, you need to listen correctly, use structured listening: listen to facts, emotions, and activities expected by the other party, and structured responses: confirm facts, respond to emotions, and clear actions.