No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
In the elevator, a cleaning aunt said: "I have to go home often to accompany my elderly father, who is getting worse and worse." At this time, a buddy next to him said, "Yes, let's go back and have a look while the old man is still alive."
When you meet the leader in the bathroom, you ask, "Leader, have you eaten?" You said, did the leader mean to eat? Still haven't eaten?
What the hell, are you trying to kick him! Shut up if you can't talk!
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
In fact, in life and work, we all encounter disaster scenes where such small talk turns into awkward chat every day.
For example, if you meet your boss in the office, what will you do? Do you want to get together to chat a few words, or just pretend you didn't see it and run away?
For example, at the airport, you meet a customer who you met once in a while. You don't remember his name. How would you chat with him?
Another example is a colleague chatting at the dinner table, but you are not familiar with the topic you are talking about, what should you say? How to respond?
This most social chat and communication scene often requires you to actively interact and socialize a few words, but for you, you are too honest, what do these words mean? It's too late to prepare and can't prepare? It is too difficult to say these few words, you are either chatting to death, or you are talking about chickens and ducks, chatting in a mess.
Why can't you speak in such a small talk? That's because during the formal conversation, you have very clear and clear goals, You know what you want? what is your purpose? What is your plan? Although that kind of workplace communication is also difficult, But you always have tricks to dismantle, and you can prepare in advance. But this kind of chat seems to be nonsense, and there is no specific purpose for the conversation. Instead, you don't know how to show your own style.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
In fact, the goals of workplace communication are also divided into many types. There are task goals, such as you want to sell goods or services, such as you want to convince the other party to agree with your opinion, or you want to ask the other party for help, such goals are often specific. , specific, usually it will finally be implemented as a certain action.
But there is another kind of goal, which is a goal with relationship as the core, that is, from ignorance to weak connection, from weak connection to strong relationship, often this kind of communication with the purpose of connecting relationship is not necessarily implemented into one. This kind of action, but it must be implemented in the communication of the feelings of both parties.
So you see, action and relational, these are two different goals in workplace communication.
To sum up in one sentence, workplace chat has no specific direction, and its highest task is to optimize the relationship between you and the other party.
So even if you meet by chance at the entrance of the stairs, in the bathroom, in the elevator, or in the pantry, you can't just say whatever you want. You have to understand that although a simple chat is enough, you still have a clear goal, which is to pass Small talk makes your relationship better.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
So how do you have a small talk that will advance your relationship?
Teacher Tuo Buhua, the founder of the lifelong learning platform "Get" APP, has a very good suggestion, she said: "The communication scene of chatting is equal to conveying respect + conveying value.
That is to say, in the communication scene of workplace chat, what we need to do is actually very simple, is to let the other party feel that he is very important through our small talk, This is to convey feelings and respect. But it's not enough to just pass on respect, you have to pass on your own value to the other party. Only when you are useful and valuable can the other party respect you as well. After all, social relationships are mutual, and we can't be shy.
So what should be done? You need to ask the person you want to chat with.
Let's take an example.
In the elevator, I met the leader of the adjacent department. He liked tea very much. You respect him and want to be friends with him, so how do you start small talk.
Say hello for sure. But waiting for the elevator, the time to take the elevator is too rich, you can't look at him and say, "Mr. Zhao, your business is really good, I admire you very much!" It is estimated that he will say: "Ah, thank you. The young man is working hard. ." You are flattering.
The leaders of this kind of side department are usually quite arrogant. If you are in a hurry, you say: "Oh, Mr. Zhao, when you have time, I want to invite you to dinner? I want to make friends with you?" People haven't eaten? Why would you be friends with him? But it's different when you ask him for advice.
You can say something like this: "Mr. Zhao, I want to ask you something, This is not the Mid-Autumn Festival coming soon. Our department wants to give back to our old customers to send some tea. We usually drink tea randomly, and we don't know the brand. , Do you think we buy the kind of tea that is decent and save money? Can you recommend it to me?"
If you ask him for advice in this way, it is especially in line with the characteristics of small talk. This question will definitely improve your relationship! So why can this effect be achieved?
The trick here is: the thing you ask for is set according to the characteristics of the other party. The thing you ask for must be in the field that the other party is good at. He must have something to say, and he can answer it without thinking and at low cost.
This will test your usual observations of colleagues and friends around you. Those who can thrive in the workplace are all people with a heart.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
By asking him for advice, the two of you chat. But there is one point to pay attention to here. There should be a hook in your questioning. Use this hook to maintain an open interaction between you. a very important method. What do you mean by "talk more"?
First of all, when you ask the other party a question, you can't ask: "Do I send black tea or green tea?" This is a closed-choice question. You can see that this communication is over, you still have a few minutes left, and you have nothing to say .
Therefore, when you are asking the other party, you should ask an open-ended question as soon as you come up, and you need to give a little more information, this information is the hook. You can ask : "Mr. Zhao, this customer has a very high style. The gift I give should be important. What kind of tea and brand do you think I should choose?"
As you can see, you have asked an open-ended question and given an additional message, "I want to be more solemn", so that the other party's answer will be more specific.
Of course, on the other hand, if we are the one who answers the question in a chat, we should pay more attention to giving more. buy that kind. But at this time, you have to give a little more, and then ask him: "Hey, how old is your customer, where is he from?" You see, this is equivalent to throwing an open letter when you answer him If you give him a sexual question, the other party can take it and say: "My client is from Fujian, and he started his own business in his 40s." Then you can continue to answer: "Oh, Fujian Tieguanyin and Dahongpao, Then you can buy Dianhong, it's not expensive, and give him a different taste."
Hearing this, you might say, I don't have any clients either! Alas, you can say buy it for your dad. "Mr. Zhao, I want to ask you something. It's not too late for the Mid-Autumn Festival. I want to buy some tea for my dad to keep him healthy. What kind of tea and brand do you think I should choose?"
Is it the same? Look at this kind of conversation, you come and go, and the time to get a glass of water is over, but it is a very informative chat, and the two sides repeatedly throw the ball to each other, this conversation is quite interesting.
You see, this is called an open interactive question and answer. Both parties are open to promote the relationship, and through the method of "giving a little more" to the hook, the other party can also feel your respect and kindness.
Such an ordinary chat is almost OK, pick up a water and take the elevator for up to 5 minutes, and you're done!
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
But if it's a social dinner, A meal takes two hours, You finished talking in 5 minutes, what do you talk about in the rest of the time? That is, you only ask the other party for advice, and it is not enough to pass on respect, You need to prepare more. You have to prepare for this trick called deep icebreaker.
Because in this kind of dinner party, people may know each other, but they are half-baked relationships, so your deep ice-breaking is to make your self-introduction version 2.0, from your small talk, not only explain who you are, but also introduce Your relationship with each other, your special relationship with this dinner scene today.
I give an example. Once I had dinner with the executives of Dashang New Mart Group.
Like this kind of social occasion, before you go, you have to think about what you will talk about for a while. You have to prepare in advance the events or stories that have a special relationship with the people in this scene. These are equivalent to what you are about to pass out. The baton is to be passed out in waves.
After I met the executives of New Mart, I said this to them:
"You don't know that I have a special relationship with New Mart?". The other party must be very curious when they hear this. What special relationship do you have with Xin Mart? How do we not know?
Then I told them a true story. In 1993, I was a border trader in Heilongjiang, and it was my first business trip to Russia. Knowing that it was cold, it was more than minus 40 degrees, so I bought otter hats everywhere, but I couldn't buy them because my head was too big and the size of the otter hats was too small.
Later, in New Mart, an old salesperson said that there seemed to be a otter hat for display a few years ago, size 64, which has not been sold. Hehe, find it and wear it, it is just right.
Therefore, in our hometown, if we want to go shopping, we must go to New Mart. The richness of the products is all the products of New Mart. Moreover, the old salesperson was very enthusiastic and introduced her niece to me, right, that is my current wife. You New Mart are half my matchmaker. Do you think my relationship with New Mart is very special?
It's just such a little story that we talked about for a long time. It must be especially fun for them, because it's such a powerful user story, and the products their businesses sell have played such a big role in my life, .
As for myself, not only did I show them a favor, but I also completed a version 2.0 self-introduction. In what I just said, I actually took the initiative to expose some innocuous personal privacy. For example, how did my wife and I know each other? In 1993, I was a border trader, for example, I have a big head, etc. In the details exposed in these stories, there are many baton that can be passed on, and the other party can pick it up at will.
For example, they can tell me how many interesting or touching user stories New Mart has in China, how rich their products are, and they can also take it over and tell everyone about their own love history and so on. You see, I'm just making a start. This kind of talk like a baton can be passed on, spread out and passed on indefinitely.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
You may ask: I don't have that many stories?
So you say, is the story of the new Mart I mentioned above true? Did I make it up?
I do border trade, go on business trips to Russia, I can't buy a otter hat, a big head of size 64, and the aunt that salesperson sold me hats are all real, and this aunt is indeed my wife's aunt. I just adjusted the order of the stories, my wife (girlfriend at the time) and I knew each other before and she introduced her aunt to buy me hats in New Mart.
So, if you want to chat with people smoothly at any time, you really have to prepare in advance. In fact, your life experience is also very rich, you are also a person with stories, but you have not summarized and prepared.
You can prepare and accumulate different chat topics according to specific time, occasion, participants and your relationship; then think about these stories, use that story to start a topic if you need it, then pass the baton, and the rest You don't care about the time, you just talk to each other and talk to each other. Really, after a long time, you are a professional communication master.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
Also, I would like to highlight two things:
The first thing, that is, you have to manage your personalities in the chat.
What your personality is, I won't say it here.
The most important thing about managing people is: you need to know what you can’t talk about.
In small talk, what we hate most is not people who don't talk, nor people who talk to death. What we hate the most is actually the kind of rhetorical person. This person understands everything, and he can express whatever topic you talk about, which is quite annoying.
So we have to avoid being such a person in small talk, Be sure to avoid exaggeration, you have to set boundaries according to your own circle of competence. There are some topics that you just don’t understand.
For example, for me, when they talk about Patek Philippe watches, all kinds of coffee, golfing birds, the origin of red wine, etc., I directly say that I don’t understand this and this, so just bring me a bottle of beer.
What about my statement, will it be annoying? Won't! You haven't reached my area of expertise, have you? So when you limit your boundaries, this circle of competence limit will actually enhance your personality.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
Another reminder is that when you are chatting, you should not talk about it, or try to talk about the three views as little as possible.
why? Because of opinion issues, it is easy to cause controversy.
For example, someone tells you that the shopping experience on a certain platform is not good. This is an opinion. You should use the baton to pass this topic back, Then you can ask him: "Then you usually shop on that platform, please tell me about it and recommend it to me, and let me not step on the pit."
You have to remember, what is the purpose of our small talk with each other? Gossip is aimed at deepening the relationship. Unless it is a matter of principle, there is no need to chat a few words. Let's be enemies, right?
Oops, it’s a bit too much to pass on respect, so let’s talk about passing value in the end.
Passing value is actually very simple, that is, you or what you say is useful to others.
For example, take me as an example, many of my friends know that I like to read, that is, what is my use? You can open a list of books to them while chatting.
What if you say I don't like reading books? Do you watch movies? Do you usually travel? What kind of food do you like to eat? Do you use the camera function of your mobile phone to be particularly clear? You will use the mobile phone software to help everyone make greeting cards and so on.
By the way, you are worth anything! For example, I have a friend who likes outdoor sports. He will tell everyone how to tie knots, what medicines to bring for outdoor activities, how to set up tents, etc. Oh, he is always popular with everyone. This is his output of his value.
Just think, you must have different characteristics from Biren, and these characteristics can help you deliver value in small talk, And have you found it? Things are closely related. By demarcating the boundaries of people, "I don't understand something", At the same time, I also emphasize "what I understand".
The "know what" part is the point where you can focus on exerting your strength. You can tap your own expertise in the "know what" part, and then continue to iterate and improve to amplify your own value.
After a long time, even in small talk, you can build yourself into an expert social master.
No topic, dare to chat with the leader? Master 4 methods, everyone is willing to chat with you
Let's summarize.
First: Workplace chat is not about you and your girlfriends, nonsense between friends, workplace chat is not nonsense without a goal, its goal is to help you deepen and upgrade your relationship with others.
Second: The most effective way to chat is when you ask people for advice, and keep interacting at the same time. Every time you ask a question, "talk a little more" to the next hook and show respect to the other party.
Third: When chatting, you need to clarify your own personality, set boundaries according to your own ability circle, and shut up about topics you don’t understand; and for topics involving three views, you are resolutely not. participate.
Fourth: In addition to conveying respect, you also convey that you are valuable in small talk, that you are useful. Respect for each other and self-worth are essentially two sides of the same thing, and what affects you more profoundly is actually your own value.