The most comfortable job starts with learning to say 'no'

01

I'm sorry, it's dragging you down

I have a friend who is a typical good-natured person who never knows how to reject others.

This friend joined a company after graduating from college. From the first day she joined the company, she set herself a goal to become a "popular person", to have good coworker relationships, and to be able to work happily.

As a result, she became the company's most well-known enthusiastic person, always thinking of others, and always based on the principle of whether she can get "good popularity".

She thinks of herself very low, her colleagues ask her, no matter whether she has time or not, she will agree without hesitation.

The following scenarios also occur frequently:

XX help me with statistics, okay!

XX help me finish this copy, okay!

XX, I have something to do this afternoon, I need to take a leave, help me finish this PPT, okay...

Sometimes, even though she has a lot of work to do, she knows that she definitely has no spare time during work hours. If a colleague asks her to help proofread the manuscript, she will not refuse, and she will not hesitate to work overtime at night to help others check the manuscript.

Of course, colleagues usually thank and praise her the next day, and she is also very useful.

But slowly, she found that she had to help more and more, and others thanked her less and less. Sometimes she was answering various calls for help during work hours, and a lot of work had to be done overtime. If you don't do it well, you will be ridiculed by others.

Once, she helped a colleague sort out a document overnight. Because the document required a lot of information, it was very cumbersome to process, so she was busy almost until 2 am. The next day, the company held a meeting. She was named and criticized by her boss because of dozing off. There was no one around her colleagues who she thought was a good relationship to speak for her, not even anyone to comfort her afterwards.

She felt extremely aggrieved, why did she help her colleagues so selflessly, when her colleagues didn't even stand up to help when she was in trouble.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

She felt physically and mentally exhausted. She watched the phone call from her colleague "requesting" for help, but she didn't answer it for a long time...

02

If you don't know how to refuse, it is to make others disgusting yourself

In the workplace, we all hope to gain "good popularity", and we all hope that we have a good reputation for being helpful, but these good reputations must be based on being able to work comfortably. If you don't know how to refuse, and you never say "no" to your colleagues around you, then you can only make others disgusting yourself.

To sum up, not rejecting others has the following disadvantages:

① Let yourself get caught up in endless transactional work

The jobs that others ask for our help are generally not very technical, and even most of them are simple repetitive jobs, and many of them are manual work such as express delivery. This kind of thing seems simple and easy to do, but it is actually very complicated and takes a lot of your time. The workplace is a place that pays attention to efficiency. When you waste so much time helping others, you will inevitably fall into endless business work, which will definitely have a great impact on your own work. Sesame, lost watermelon!

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

② Loss of core competitiveness

People's energy is limited, where you put your time, what kind of person you will become, and now your energy is put on helping others, you may become a person that others "like", However, the workplace is a place that pays attention to interests. There is no core competitiveness. The function you will eventually face is to be eliminated, or it will not be eliminated temporarily, but there is absolutely no chance of promotion and salary increase for you. Because most of the jobs you do are "servant-type" jobs, which are highly substitutable, the company will not give a "servant" a promotion or salary increase. It is already the greatest thing for you to keep you working here. kindness.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

③ Falling into other people's take for granted

If you don't know how to reject others, you become someone else's slave. When you are used to helping others, others are used to accepting your help. "Dou rice raises kindness, and rice raises thieves." You blindly help others. After a long time, your colleagues will take him for granted. If you don't help once in a while, the other party may turn his face. Everyone likes to push the envelope, and they are shameless. If you don’t understand and refuse, and you compromise, what you get in the end may not be all good popularity, and there may be endless white eyes and complaints behind you. In the end, you can only be troubled by troubles!

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

03

Do not understand that rejecting others is a disease

Do not understand that rejection is a disease. People who suffer from this disease are generally considered "good people", but they are not "capable people". And suffering from this disease is like being poisoned, it is not only addictive, but also requires more and more doses.

What is the "cause" of the disease?

①Traditional thinking of good face

We Chinese people love face, and we are often reluctant to say things that we obviously don’t want to face. We feel that we are thin-skinned, and we feel that others will not come down to the stage, so we have to suffer ourselves again and again. Face is like an invisible "glass cover", people can't express their bitterness in their hearts. In the face of other people's requests, they never dare to put their face down, express their difficulties and unbearableness, do not know how to reject others, and dare not say what they should say. Said, "The mute eats coptis, the bitterness can't be said", and also "breaks the teeth and swallows it in the stomach".

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

②Inner desire for "recognition"

The excessive desire to be "approved" makes us devalue ourselves again and again, and blindly please others, hoping to gain a sense of recognition from others' praise or approval. They will listen carefully to the opinions of others; they will work hard to fulfill the requirements of others; they will also consider the feelings others may have. Like the classmates above, they care too much about the feelings of others. They have developed to the point where they use others' praise as motivation. They can only blindly reduce their own worth, hoping to gain recognition from others by working overtime again and again.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

③ External manifestations of lack of security

Rejecting others without understanding and relying too much on others' evaluation of us are external manifestations of inner insecurity. They are generally very introverted and inferior, always afraid of doing wrong things, always afraid of offending others, and they can even feel uncomfortable for a long time because of the other person's white eyes. Even the pictures of themselves being beaten and insulted can be vividly interpreted in their hearts. It is precisely because of this inner fear and anxiety that they have no courage to reject others.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

04

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

For some things, forcing yourself to do it will not only aggrieve yourself, but also thankless. Not only damaged my fighting spirit, but also attracted the ridicule and irony of others, which made me fall into a doom. In order to work comfortably without grievances with our bodies, let alone our hearts, we must learn to say "no".

So, how can we effectively reject others?

① Delayed completion method

The so-called delayed completion is that you promise others first, but you have no substantive actions, so that the other party feels boring and retreats. For example, Lao Zhang asked you to pick up a courier for him, and you said yes, but he just sat on his own and looked at the phone without moving his nest; Lao Liu asked you to proofread the manuscript for him, and you readily agreed, but over For a while, when he asked you for the result, you said that it has not been done yet, and you have to finish the work at hand and do it again... Repeatedly several times, the shrewd colleagues will definitely know what you mean and will retreat in spite of difficulties.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

②The law of "harming" others

All the "scourge" here is actually a way to divert the task, that is, to divert attention to someone else, and then pass the task to him successfully. For example, when a colleague asks you for help, and you are busy with the work at hand, you can say that XX has just done this some time ago, and he has more experience, and he has nothing on hand and can do it well. After speaking, if you point your finger at the XX who is chatting with others vividly, the effect will definitely be more obvious.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

③ Direct rejection method

This method is mainly aimed at colleagues who are about your level or the same level as you, and who feel that they are "very old". For example, a colleague asks you to help him write a copy, and you feel that it is too time-consuming, you can tell him directly, sorry, I don't have time, I still have XX tasks to do, and ask him to show him his work list. The biggest advantage of rejecting someone directly is that you can cut off his thoughts, and you will have lingering fears when you come to him in the future. You may say, this will offend your colleagues, don’t worry, you can offend all such colleagues, because they basically have no use value for you, and they can’t wear small shoes for you, and you can save a lot if you refuse. trouble.

The most comfortable job starts with learning to say "no"

Of course, there are many other methods that can be used, for example, you can also tell a "white lie", make up a false story, etc. Rejecting others is an art, and art can't stick to routines, "regardless of black or white cats. , catching mice is a good cat", no matter what method you use, as long as you can reasonably reject others, it is a good method!

All in all, just make yourself comfortable!