People who often talk about these 4 sentences often have low emotional intelligence and no self-knowledge
People who often talk about these 4 sentences often have low emotional intelligence and no self-knowledge
There is a saying: The mouth speaks to my heart.
A person's language can often convey his true feelings and thoughts directly or indirectly;
Even if the language is "wrapped", unusual signs can be found in the subtleties, which can reflect the quality of interpersonal relationships and the quality of the speaker.
Everyone plays different social roles and family roles. Sometimes a sentence is appropriate in this environment, but it is not appropriate in that environment, and it is not absolute;
But in most cases, if a person often puts these 4 sentences on his lips, it means that his emotional intelligence is not high and he has no self-knowledge.
People who often talk about these 4 sentences often have low emotional intelligence and no self-knowledge
"If I were you, I wouldn't be like this"
"Fu Lei's Family Letter" says:
Pay attention to what you say in the future, don't be too subjective, and don't have a persuasive attitude. This is the most taboo, because you are right, but people give the impression that you are arrogant and arrogant, as if you are the only one in the world. See clearly, see accurately, the reason is all yours.
"If I were you, I wouldn't be like this" sounds mind-blowing because the expression reveals:
What you did is wrong, and I see it very clearly, but I don't say everything, but "leave a suspense" for you to ask questions, which is suspected of "pretending to be mysterious";
For example, if you want to develop a side business, you sign up for a study class, but you find that you don’t gain much after you finish the study. Your friend comments after understanding it: If I were you, I wouldn’t be like this.
How did you feel when you heard it? Is it a question mark: is there a problem? Or ask, what would you do?
Next, most likely, a friend will correct you in a "teachable" tone.
Just imagine, you are already annoyed by an "unsuccessful" choice, and the person who speaks has to put on a light-hearted look of "everyone else is drunk and I am alone", which makes people mad and frustrated.
In The Great Gatsby:
Whenever you feel like criticizing someone, remember that not everyone in the world has the same conditions as you.
Everyone's birth is accompanied by some "inequities", with different resources, different environments, different talents, and different cognitions;
A person with good intentions allows a person whose conditions are not as good as himself to occasionally "make some small mistakes", instead of accusing the other party high above;
Because if you are in the other person's situation, you may not necessarily make a smarter choice.
If you feel that what other people do is unwise, you can use the following expressions:
"Is it clearer if you do an inspection in advance?"
"Wouldn't it be better if you explained the misunderstanding directly with your friends?"
This kind of negotiated expression not only puts forward your own ideas to the other party, but also gives the other party a chance to think.
People who often talk about these 4 sentences often have low emotional intelligence and no self-knowledge
"Do you understand what I said?"
This sentence, in most cases, appears in the workplace, and is used by leaders to discipline subordinates;
Or in some families, strong parents are used to educate their children;
It is full of "lessons", and it is completely a "I am the uncle, the other party wants to be low and low".
Some people think that they are leaders with authority and parents with authority. Do they still need to look at other people's faces when they are anxious or angry?
In fact, this communication method itself is very depressing and frightening, revealing a deep "inequality";
It is condescendingly questioning the other party's ability to understand, it is completely the attitude of one party suppressing the other party, it will dampen the other party's feelings, and even cause the hatred of others;
If you're used to speaking in this tone, there's no guarantee that it will last forever, and you'll bring it into your own intimacy -- berating your partner, berating your kids, teaching your parents, even your friends and colleagues.
People, once a habit is formed, it is difficult to change;
If stubborn "bad habits" were so easy to "switch at any time", there would not be so many in the world, because they didn't know how to speak well, which would lead to disharmony between families and interpersonal relationships.
So, don't think that you are "the queen mother who will never fall into the mortal world", always looking down at all beings arrogantly, you are not that important, and the other party is not that humble.
People who often talk about these 4 sentences often have low emotional intelligence and no self-knowledge
"I speak straight, don't mind"
If this sentence appears after two people communicate, it may mean that the other party has high emotional intelligence;
After reflection, I found that what I said seemed to hurt people, so the other party apologized and said:
I'm more straightforward, don't mind me.
But if you say something like this before the two communicate, it's an annoying level with "I may not speak well again".
"I'm relatively straight, don't mind." Since you clearly know what you said, it may cause harm to the other party and lead to misunderstanding. Why do you still say "God makes up for the knife"?
"I might be talking badly again," followed, usually with uncomfortable, harsh words.
Tell the other party in advance that you don't mind, you are making excuses for your lazy thinking, and at the same time tell the other party that I can inform you in advance. If you are irritated after listening, it means that you are not self-restrained.
There are indeed a lot of people who don't know how to express themselves, but not knowing how to express it, and not taking into account the feelings of the other party and not caring about what they say are completely different things.
An adult, even if he does not have a good opportunity to receive higher education, can always observe how others are politely and politely expressed in the social ups and downs;
If you want to say something to others, you always have to go through a certain amount of screening and consideration. If you don’t even bother to think about this, others have the right to refuse to listen to the unpleasant words you say.
People who often talk about these 4 sentences often have low emotional intelligence and no self-knowledge
"Isn't that obvious?"
The "lethality" of this sentence is comparable to the first sentence.
With a tone of superiority, he is denying the other party, criticizing the other party, and indirectly elevating himself, only he is sober in the world;
The subtext is: We can understand such a simple and easy-to-understand thing, why are you so confused and incompetent?
Or "something that everyone on earth knows", you don't understand, are you too outdated.
There is a hint of ridicule.
If this kind of words have certain pressure and hurt, don't tell others.
If you frustrate someone once, the other party may choose to tolerate your rudeness and ignorance. In the long run, the relationship will break down.
A truly wise adult not only knows how to be "obedient", but also knows how to speak. The above four words, don't talk about it, it will make people alienate you, and it is easy to be hated.