Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

A man after middle age often feels lonely, because when he opens his eyes, he is all people who have to rely on him, but there is no one he can rely on - Zhang Ailing "Half Life"

The inner world of middle-aged people is lonely

I read Zhihu yesterday and saw a question that caught my eye:

"Why do many people drive home, go downstairs, don't get out of the car, and sit in the car for a long time?"

A popular answer goes like this:

"Many times, I don't want to get out of the car, because it's a dividing point. When you push the door, you're a father, a husband, a son, but not yourself. There is only one person in the car quietly, this body belong to oneself".

Maybe you would say that if you are tired, you can find friends for a drink and have fun. However, if you are a middle-aged person over 40, you are likely to have this experience. You are surrounded by customers you can cooperate with and colleagues you can work with. But there is no friend who can drink and chat.

The world of middle-aged people is lonely. There are hundreds of contacts in the address book, but there are very few people who can really talk to each other.

Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

The older I get, the more I like to be alone

When I was young, I was particularly afraid of being alone, because as long as I was alone, I would feel an inexplicable sense of loneliness. Only when you are with your friends and with your parents can you have a sense of existence.

After going to college, I was immersed in my love, I was immersed in my club, I was immersed in the applause of my classmates and teachers. In short, I lived happily as long as I was with everyone.

When we first entered the workplace, we were not married yet, and we had a stable source of income. We were intoxicated by our social interactions. It became the norm to eat and drink with friends. As long as we didn’t get together for a few days, we felt that something was missing, so we hurried to make an appointment. .

Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

But, slowly, we are getting older, we have families and children, and our parents have reached the age where we need to take care of us.

We suddenly find that our world has changed, and our parents are no longer our support, but need our care;

The wife is no longer the affectionate woman, but the mother of every day;

The leader is not the kind elder, but the capitalist staring at your performance;

Colleagues are not close friends who can tell each other their hearts, but conspirators who work behind the scenes.

Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

I don't want you to look at your phone because I don't want you to worry

I remember reading a story a long time ago. There was a wife who had been married for 10 years and her husband was 40 years old. Suddenly, he always came home late for a while. She suspected that her husband was cheating, so she pestered her all day to look at his mobile phone, but his husband didn't want to show him his mobile phone, and even took it in the shower. They even quarreled many times about it.

One night, after 12 o'clock, my husband went to the toilet and thought he was asleep, so he put his mobile phone on the bedside.

The wife burst into tears when she saw it. It turned out that her husband had already left the company 2 months ago. In order not to worry his wife and to support the family, he secretly took up food delivery work, in order to make more money, Only work overtime until the early morning.

As for why he didn't let his wife look at the phone, it was because the phone was full of software about food delivery. For fear of his wife's suspicion and seeing through the fact that he was fired, he had to hide all the time.

Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

I don't take care of my cancer-stricken father, and I drink alcohol every day. It's really not because I'm unfilial

There is also a story about the son and the father. My father is 70 years old. He has cancer and is in the hospital. He is nearing the end of his life, but his son is not around and complains every day.

His mother also didn't understand why her son was so unfilial, that he didn't come to see his father, but just sent cold money on time. Even if he came here once in a while, he was full of alcohol and left without saying a few words.

It turned out that this forty-something-year-old son has been working hard outside to make money, so that he can earn more money for his father, so that his father can live a few more days. He even drank several wines in a row in order to talk more business, with tears in his heart and a smile on his face.

Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

You don't understand the pressure of middle-aged men

My friend M is 39 years old this year. He is a programmer. He used to have only one child. A few years ago, the policy was released, and his parents urged him to give birth to another one.

The big one is with me, and the youngest daughter’s parents are with me. The pressure of life all comes from money, mortgage, car loan, credit card.

Now, in addition to these loans, there is also money for children's milk powder, which is obviously not enough to spend.

So he secretly took over a job with his family behind his back. He was always busy, but now he does not go home almost every day, living in the workplace. Because I have to work during the day, I have to work part-time after 10 o'clock in the evening.

I called him last night and talked about Eileen Chang's sentence at the beginning, "Men after middle age often feel lonely, because when he opens his eyes, there are all people who have to rely on him, but there is no one he can rely on." .

He couldn't hold back the pain in his heart and burst into tears.

Middle-aged people in the workplace: don't want to go home and have no friends

Be more understanding of your husband, son, father

So, as a wife, please don't complain that your husband doesn't come home. Maybe he has been wronged outside, afraid that you will see his tears of wrongedness, maybe you have been criticized by the leaders, and you don't want to bring bad mood to you, or, They are working two jobs with their own hands to give you a better life. Life for You is not a Korean drama, there are not so many bloody plots, and there are not so many cheating stories, they don't let you look at your phone, maybe it's just because they don't want you to see them humiliating outside;

As a parent, don't complain that your son is full of alcohol and smoke. Who doesn't take care of his body, who doesn't like to accompany you every day, but the middle-aged son has the pain of his son. If he doesn't work hard, you may look down on him. I am accustomed to the son who reports good news but not bad news, so he can't tell you what he's saying in his heart, he can only find a time to smoke a cigarette to relieve his depressed mood;

As a child, don't complain about your father's lack of company, because your father may be working hard for your tuition fees in the second half of the year, to make you go to a better cram school, and to strive for a more decent life for you in the future. , even busy day and night for your suite and a decent dowry.