'Female, 29 years old, with a monthly salary of 5,000 and a debt of 60,000'; your vanity is dragging you down

01

Last night, it was very late. I was about to go to bed after posting the article when I suddenly saw a private message on the headline. She left a message to me and said:

Teacher, now I'm so tired, sometimes I don't want to live anymore!

I thought something had happened, so I immediately asked her, what's the matter, is your boss criticizing you, or is your colleague bullying you? Didn't he get fired?

It's okay to fire squid, as long as you work hard, you will definitely have a chance to turn over! I was about to pour her chicken soup and tell her that as long as she works hard, she will be successful.

"Female, 29 years old, with a monthly salary of 5,000 and a debt of 60,000"; your vanity is dragging you down

Unexpectedly, she said, none of these, but her daily life made her feel very tired, and then she opened the chat box and spit out bitter water for me:

She is a college student who was admitted in a rural area. Her family conditions are average, but her self-esteem is very strong, and she is most afraid that others will look down on her. When he was a child, most of the people that everyone envied was because of his good studies, so he studied hard and achieved good grades, and he has always been the object of everyone's envy.

After working, everyone has the same educational background, so they can only fight for the quality of life, rather than the food.

When she saw a colleague using an iPhone, she also bought one; when she saw a colleague buying brand-name cosmetics, she couldn't miss it; when she saw that a friend often went to Western food, she quickly posted a circle of friends about drinking coffee at Starbucks.

After half a year, with a monthly salary of 5,000, she found that she now owes 60,000. Huabei, borrowing and 3 credit cards can meet her needs.

However, she had to buy those so-called good things, because she was afraid that her colleagues would look down on her.

She was living a very difficult life of "suffering face to the death", and even most of the time breakfast and dinner combined cost less than 10 yuan.

Last night, when she was alone in her 15-square-meter rental house, she received a text message from XX Bank urging her to pay back her credit card. Thinking about her still hungry stomach, she suddenly felt like crying and not wanting to live anymore, that's why it started. of that scene.

"Female, 29 years old, with a monthly salary of 5,000 and a debt of 60,000"; your vanity is dragging you down

After hearing her say this, I knew that she was kidnapped by her "vanity", but I didn't have a systematic reason to convince her, so I told her, let her wait for my article today, I She will make a systematic analysis of her phenomenon in the article.

02

Like Xiaomin, there are many examples of being kidnapped by vanity at work:

My colleague Xiao Zhang bought a good car, and I want to buy one too;

Colleague Lao Li's family changed to a bigger house, and when he got home, he discussed with his husband about buying a house;

My colleague, Sister Wang's child has gone abroad to travel. No, my child also has to travel abroad. Otherwise, the child will lose at the starting line...

These are all examples of being kidnapped by vanity. So, let’s analyze what harm does vanity have?

First, let's look at the definition of vanity,

Vanity is a state of mind of human beings. No matter ancient or modern, whether old or young, men, women and children, the rich, the poor, the noble and the lowly, all have self-esteem. If the self-esteem is distorted, it is vanity. Vanity is a distorted self-esteem, it is an excessive expression of self-esteem, it is a character defect that pursues false appearances, it is an abnormal social emotion and social emotion that people show in order to gain honor and attract general attention. mental state.

Vanity is manifested in behavior, mainly in blind comparisons, rejoicing in meritorious deeds, placing too much emphasis on other people's evaluations, having a strong desire for self-expression, and strong jealousy.

From the definition point of view, the excessive expression of self-esteem in vanity, the most important external expression is to place too much emphasis on the evaluation of others.

So, to sum up, vanity mainly has the following hazards:

Hazard 1: Excessive spending, heavy financial burden

People with strong vanity take "no money" as the most shameful thing, like Xiao Xiaomin above, for fear that others will say that he is shabby, so he "slaps his face to be fat", often has expenses that exceed his own income, and eventually As a result, you can't make ends meet and you're in debt.

Hazard 2: Excessive comparison, high psychological pressure

People who are driven by vanity put too much emphasis on "fame and fortune", and like to be lavish regardless of conditions. Maybe one western meal will cause them to be hungry several times. Over time, economic pressure will inevitably lead to psychological metamorphosis, until it collapses. edge.

Hazard 3: Eyes on money, shortsighted

Your vanity drives you to focus too much on money, too much on enjoyment, and too little on the things that really matter. A person's energy is limited. If he cares more about this aspect, he must not invest too much energy in bullying him, which will eventually lead to insufficient core competitiveness and slow promotion and salary increase.

Hazard 4: May induce tragic consequences

Vanity is the root of depravity, and strong vanity may drive people to have terrible motives with disastrous consequences. In recent years, we have often seen examples of "naked loans" of female college students, and they are all typical examples of being driven by vanity. Xiaomin above is also very dangerous if he goes further and further down the road of vanity.

"Female, 29 years old, with a monthly salary of 5,000 and a debt of 60,000"; your vanity is dragging you down

03

There are so many hazards of vanity, so what is the cause of vanity?

I have looked up a lot of books and seen a lot of cases. There are three main reasons for vanity:

Reason 1: Distorted high self-esteem

Everyone has the need to be respected by others. Reasonably high self-esteem can give us the motivation to work hard, which is a positive attitude. But if your self-esteem is too strong, and you want to be better than others in everything, your self-esteem will be distorted, and there will often be needs that are inconsistent with the reality. There are situations like "naked loan" and "usury loan".

Reason 2: Distorted comparison style

Influence from the external environment is also a major source of our vanity. When we see people of the same age, experience, and even the same level of income as us using famous brands and wearing famous brands, we will have similar conditions to him, why they can live like this, we can't live like this ? If there are a few more "long-tongued women" in our colleagues who like to spread all kinds of comparison remarks, then we will be easily affected by this ethos.

Reason 3: Insecurity

The third reason for vanity is mainly insecurity and lack of self-confidence. Sometimes when you are not strong enough, you can only increase your self-confidence through external comparisons. For example, you are in a non-core position in the unit, and your technology is not very strong, and you are very worried about being laid off. You can only increase your self-confidence through external performance (wearing famous brands, etc.) to cover up your inner panic.

"Female, 29 years old, with a monthly salary of 5,000 and a debt of 60,000"; your vanity is dragging you down

04

Just now, I analyzed the main hazards and causes of "vanity" for you. Now, I will explain to you in the workplace how to overcome "vanity"? Free your mind and get back on track!

First: learn to compare differences

The damage of vanity mainly comes from the comparison of "fame and fortune". If we keep comparing our weaknesses with others' strengths, you will definitely be frustrated every day. At this time, you can learn from Tian Ji's horse racing and use your strengths to compare with others' Comparing the advantages, there may be unexpected results. For example, a colleague wears a famous brand, but you can compare the level of copywriting with him. After a comparison, you find that the colleague is just an "ugly vase" who can only dress up! (Ha ha)

Second: Develop your own Buddhist mentality

We must strengthen our own moral cultivation, and try our best to cultivate a Buddhist mentality of "not being happy with things, not feeling sorry for yourself" when dealing with "fame and fortune", not jealous when you see a colleague's famous brand, and do not feel inferior when you see your own simplicity . Qu Yuan said: "Goodness cannot come from outside, and its name cannot be deceived." The "Buddhist" mentality of dealing with fame and fortune is the rock to curb vanity. With this rock, we have the confidence to uphold the dignity of our father - no matter whether he is poor or proclaimed, humble or respected.

Third: improve self-worth

In the workplace, the most important way to improve your sense of identity is to improve your self-worth. As long as your self-worth is improved and your core competitiveness is there, you will no longer be tired of being compared with foreign objects. It is very simple, if you are a novice in the workplace, you may dress a little bit and others will think you have no money and look down on you, but think about it, if you are the boss of the company, if you dress a little bit, others will think you are It's simple, and even many people in the company are starting to look up to you! Therefore, improving your own strength is the last word!