Who is more broken, a full-time mother or a working mother? Which scene crashes? Must be beyond your imagination
This question was originally a lecture, and a girl asked me:
As a working mom, what frustrates you the most?
I was taken aback, because it wasn't that bad. But after thinking about it, it was really difficult. Then, when I scrutinized it carefully, I found a very scary question-who is more likely to collapse, a full-time mother or a working mother?
I'll take myself as an example first. I am a working mother, and my biggest challenge right now is the impact of business trips, but fortunately, I collapsed when I didn’t help my children with homework. So it's hard to say who is more broken down between working mothers and full-time mothers.
First, when I was on a business trip, the child encountered a small accidental injury.
I was in Chengdu at the time, and I was only a week away from returning to Beijing. My mother called me and said that when she picked up the child from school, she didn't know what was going on. The child's foot was stuffed under the wheel, and it was crushed, and the foot was swollen and broken.
Of course I can't go back, and the child's father is also on a business trip, so I can only ask my sister to visit. But my sister was in the company, and it took more than two hours in the past. So is it just helpless to catch the blind? Seriously, in Chengdu, I did not. I lectured as usual, ate as usual, and then called again in the afternoon to ask.
I learned later that my mother and child acted very calm and competent when they found out that we couldn't make it - my mother took him to the hospital, gave first aid, bandages, and it was done in two hours. The children may also know that we are not there, and they do not cry. Instead, they feel that it is good to ask for advice and not take physical education class.
I remember that a big V wrote an article before, saying that working mothers have to say sorry to their children. Then she tells the story of her child being injured at work. I don't think this is necessary. Even if you look at the child with good eyes, you can't stop him from getting hurt. Besides, if you let your child understand that you have a job or career, he will also slowly learn to come out on his own after the injury. And, you can also get support through home or business service purchases.
Who is more broken, a full-time mother or a working mother? Which scene crashes? Must be beyond your imagination
Second, what makes me afraid of traveling is actually the child's mood.
Although the child doesn't talk about it, I found that if I go on a business trip for about a week, he always finds me awkward when I come back. I understand that this is also a kind of coquettish in disguise, that is, if you are not around for a week, I have to toss something and let you pay attention to me. For example, complaining that the food is not delicious, expressing that you don't want to get up, or suddenly lose your temper, etc. So every time I come back from a business trip, I have to take two days to develop endurance and understanding, and accompany him through this period of toss, and then the life can be normal.
However, in the fall of 2020, my business trips continued. That is 3-5 days on business trip, 3-5 days back, and then on business trip. This has increased the challenges and pressures faced by our parent-child relationship, so this year, I am also quite tired.
After a business trip in October, I also slowly figured out some ways. For example, when I come back from a business trip, I need to spend some money to eat, drink and have fun. For example, go to a hot spring together, or eat two more meals of KFC, it is not that my child must need material comfort, but when we play together, we leave our daily home environment, there is no TV housework and my work, his homework, can More focused chats - what happened to your school lately? Where have you been in qualifying this season? What happened to mom on a business trip? After chatting for a while, I felt that they were trusting and gentle with each other again.
Who is more broken, a full-time mother or a working mother? Which scene crashes? Must be beyond your imagination
Finally, after the child goes to school, it is torture to accompany him to do his homework several times.
Because of my busy work, my children usually don't ask me about homework. But recently, because of my business trip and other things at home, my child's studies have been good and bad this semester. In the middle, there were several cases where the homework could not be completed, and the unit test was relatively miserable.
What he didn't understand the most at the time was decompression and English. He didn't understand in class and was anxious when he saw his homework. He came back and asked me, but as soon as I started explaining, he was just upset and couldn't listen. So one hour of homework is really an hour of mutual torment—all kinds of resistance and depression. Of course, I think, there is also the factor that I am anxious when I talk about the topic. And the child will want to push me away at this time.
Who is more broken, a full-time mother or a working mother? Which scene crashes? Must be beyond your imagination
(The picture comes from the anime "Do you like your mother's flat chopping and chopping?" tells the story of mother and son going to another world to play games together)
I think that I don't care about his grades that much, but the resistance and twisting of the child are also hurtful. I feel that my insomnia during that time should have something to do with this.
Of course, in hindsight, I feel that I am still stuck in a boundary problem. Whether it is to wish him good grades or to wish him a good mood, it is a desire to control. This is what I need to reflect on myself - this is not a Buddhist system. Explaining the pain of homework to my children is too real. I can only find a way to save myself.
Who is more broken, a full-time mother or a working mother? Which scene crashes? Must be beyond your imagination
(The picture comes from the animation "Do you like your mother's flat-cut combo with chopping")
It is also because I teach my children homework. I actually think that maybe a full-time mother, because there is no job as another battlefield for herself, it will be more difficult.
At the same time, taking into account the status and respect given to full-time mothers in the society, I initially feel that full-time mothers are actually harder than working mothers without strict arguments and data.
Who is more broken, a full-time mother or a working mother? Which scene crashes? Must be beyond your imagination
This conclusion is not for my superiority as a working mother. Such a thing as superiority has long been unable to bring deep comfort to middle-aged women (if it can, it will be for a while). Because whether it is a full-time mother or a working mother, this hardship is structural. I can say a few casually, it is caused by the general environment.
First, men do not take enough responsibility for housework and child-rearing tasks. In parent-teacher meetings, mothers actually attend more.
The second is the social anxiety about the effect of parenting. My WeChat and Moments have never been short of things like "Educate a child in this way, his memory can be improved" or "If a mother does three things, she will destroy your child". 's article.
Third, children are not living in a vacuum, and the anxiety of the whole society will naturally spread to them. For example, the pressure of study remedial classes, the comparison between students, etc.
In short, being a mother, in today's society, is indeed a lonely journey of self-understanding. So, I summarize as follows:
First, think about the person in charge of yourself, do you want to have children? I especially want to have children, not for any other life.
Second, take responsibility for your own life. For example, in the past few years, when my work and family were under great pressure, I have been buying psychological counseling, and I also hired housekeeping and cleaning when I was the busiest.
Because my mood matters, it's worth the cost.