When a person suddenly feels that he has a poor character, ability, and mentality, what should he do?
I was a little unbelievable when I saw this question just now. How could someone belittle themselves so much? !
However, after thinking about it carefully, I found that although I didn’t want to admit it, I had a similar feeling, and it wasn’t bad at all. Therefore, I especially understand-
When a person demeans himself in this way, it is not that he is really bad, but that his heart is full of inferiority and bitterness, and once such words of denial are spoken, the situation may worsen.
When a person suddenly feels that he has a poor character, ability, and mentality, what should he do?
So, today, based on my own story, I will tell you, how can you come out when you feel bad about yourself?
First of all, "you are not alone", almost everyone has inferiority complex, more or less.
Let me share a recent incident of my own that made me lose my mind. When I just entered the summer, I was invited to a top university to serve as a judge of a career planning competition (I was very proud), but after I went, I was rejected by me. Attack on the spot!
It turns out that the other judges are all old school alumni who graduated from this school, and several of them are still Ph.D., with a golden academic background + a platform with unlimited scenery (they are not partners of the Big Four or the Red Circle Law Firm, or they are in the top 500 and other well-known places. hold important positions), so, full of elite temperament. In contrast, I was obviously a little "out of hand", and felt the pressure instantly.
The first reaction is: these people who are chatting with each other are just business nonsense, and they are lucky enough to enter a good platform at a young age (demeaning others);
Then, the second reaction started to feel inferior: Isn't it because you can't eat grapes and say the grapes are sour, or because your education is not good, your income is not good, and your platform is not big?
So, just like what was written in the title, I used all the words that I felt that I had "poor personality, poor ability, poor mentality, etc." that could belittle myself. So, during this process, I was very embarrassed to sit inside, hoping that others would not talk to me, and I didn't know what to do, so I pretended to be looking at my phone and busy.
Look! When the mentality collapses, it is so "wolverine". I certainly believe that I'm not such a worthless person, but obviously also get caught up in self-deprecating emotions amidst the contrasts and pressures. For most ordinary people, I believe that everyone is not really "poor in character, ability, and mentality", but in the face of setbacks and pressures, they were temporarily beaten.
When a person suddenly feels that he has a poor character, ability, and mentality, what should he do?
But why self-deprecation?
As you can see from the story I just shared about myself, I started out trying to belittle others, but why did I turn to belittle myself later?
First, the facts are in front of us and we have to admit it. From the point of view of human instinct, if I can put the blame on others, I will definitely not want to trouble myself, but I am not blind, and it is difficult to deceive myself.
Second, self-protection: it is the most correct way to change the gap after seeing the gap, but sometimes it can’t be done without hard work. Therefore, it is better to simply "press yourself directly to the ground", because subconsciously you will tell yourself: you don't have to work hard, you can't do anything anyway; or it's not that I don't work hard, it's that I really can't. Then, you can "fall down where you are, where you are lying down" as a matter of course.
Therefore, the ultra-low evaluation of oneself being out of reality is likely to be a disguise, an armor, and an attempt to wrap oneself deeply.
When a person suddenly feels that he has a poor character, ability, and mentality, what should he do?
So, what to do?
First, seeing inferiority complex, after seeing it, it has much less firepower.
In the early days of starting a business, I had experienced a very tormented period, with the opposition and suspicion of my family, and I could not open the market myself. Later, I purchased psychological counseling. At that time, the psychological counselor mainly made me realize "how do you feel at this moment" through the form of questioning and interviewing. Later, she told me: if the feeling is not seen, it is like standing on the ground. The big psychological trees are deeply rooted, and if you see them, they are like fallen leaves, and when the wind blows, they go away.
So, following the above story, in the waiting room before the career planning competition of that prestigious school, I tasted inferiority complex and realized my inferiority complex. Later, the activity was about to start, and we stopped chatting. I took out the notebook I carried with me and wrote a mood diary (I like to write a mood diary in English) I am self-abased. Then I wrote down:
I am afraid that people will know that there are only a few people in my small team. I am afraid that people will compare me with "I am in the Fortune 500", but I only have a grass-roots team; I am afraid that people will compare myself with "I am a Ph.D. in this school", and I am studying MAP this year. After writing this, the competition began, and I became one of the most enthusiastic commenters who asked the most questions.
Therefore, when you realize that you feel that you have a poor character, ability, and mentality, can you experience your own feelings, and whether there is a certain anxiety, fear, worry, shame... when you say this sentence a feeling. Having said that, being able to accurately describe how you feel is definitely a skill that requires constant practice.
(PS: It is said that someone abroad has invented an emotion dictionary, which contains more than 800 words about negative emotions. I really want to have one).
When a person suddenly feels that he has a poor character, ability, and mentality, what should he do?
Second, being busy can effectively change the situation and self-evaluation.
First of all, there is a basic theorem in psychology: no matter how smart a person is, it is impossible to think about more than one thing at the same time. You feel like a mess, but in fact, you think about one thing before another, and nothing comes to a conclusion, and you change too quickly, so you feel like a mess.
Therefore, when you take action, if you feel that your ability is poor, you can improve your ability. If you feel that your character is poor, you can improve your self-cultivation. If you feel that your mentality is not good, you can improve your emotional intelligence. How to do it? I have the following suggestions:
- Plan ahead, and plan specifically and effectively.
First, have specific items and outcomes. The plan can't be vague, like, "Have a full week to spend, and don't be lazy"; it's specific to items and outcomes, like what to get done on Monday, what to get done on Tuesday, when to read books, and what to get.
Second, to be able to measure and implement. For example, "I hope to get rid of the single", this is not a plan; but participating in 3 city dating salons, reading salons, and meeting no less than 5 friends in the salons is a relatively easy plan to implement.
- Carry a notepad and pen with you.
My former boss once said half-jokingly: If you don't take your notebook and notebook in the future, don't come to my room to talk about things. In fact, the boss's request is not excessive. In 2019, my workload and growth are fast, and I have already used the third book. Of course, some friends like to bring PAD records, that's fine. In short, keep recording, organizing, and summarizing, and your actions are visualized and quantifiable.
James Moser, a professor at Columbia University's School of Education, said: Busyness can forget worry, and worry hurts the most vulnerable people who have nothing to do.
When a person suddenly feels that he has a poor character, ability, and mentality, what should he do?
Third, I have a lot of faults, but I deserve where I am.
Those who take the initiative to seek us for career counseling, of course, are more likely to encounter setbacks or difficulties in their career development, and this time is often the easiest time to feel inferior. So, I often say: You at least grew up on your own, right? Then, now your education and the job in your hand are also obtained by legal means, then, even if you still have many problems, you are still worthy of your current position. That said, it's actually acceptance.
Because the problem that inferiority brings to us is not "I'm not good enough", but "I can't stand it, I'm not good enough". This unbearable, will make us suffer repeatedly.
Taking myself as an example, the current me is also impulsive in character, obsessed with winning and a heart for comparison. About my bad, I know. There are too many people in the world who are not good enough. Only those who can't bear that they are not good enough are tortured by inferiority complex, and then they become anxious, fearful, or belittle themselves for self-defense.
My suggestion here is to be as clear as possible about your shortcomings.
Don't say "I have a poor personality, poor ability, and poor mentality". Specifically, what are the characteristics of my personality and where my ability is lacking. I am easy to XXX in terms of mentality. In this way, writing it down according to specific items can make us return to reality from the chaotic emotions, and let us observe and pay attention to ourselves as if we were outside.
For example, a girl I coached recently, who suffered a layoff, told me very frustratedly: I will leave this company and nothing will happen.
I asked: Then you tell me specifically, what do you not know?
She was a little stunned, and I continued to ask: "If you say you can't know anything, I'll listen to two things you don't know."
She thought about it for a long time before she remembered and said: I only operate physical stores, I don't understand e-commerce, I don't have enough brains, and I don't have enough experience in the Internet industry.
Listen, many people don't know what you don't know, so why don't others think it's a problem? It is precisely based on the industry knowledge and experience you have accumulated in physical stores that you discover your own shortcomings.
In conclusion, once we start our down-to-earth analysis, we start to face problems, and many problems will follow.