I am a girl studying computer technology in a secondary school. I have always wanted to work in the technology industry but I am not very confident. I finally had the opportunity to get a testing position in a large factory. Although it was outsourced, I also felt that this opportunity was very precious. However, the company is in the suburbs, and there is a lot of overtime. My boyfriend felt that this would delay our marriage plan and hoped that I would not go. What should I do?

Thank you for this question. Every month, I encounter girls with this problem. In the face of such problems, we are indeed easily caught in a dilemma. In fact, we should not force ourselves into an either-or "desperate situation" - I choose the offer I like because I don't pay attention to feelings, and I choose to be with my boyfriend because I don't have a career. .

Life is to be lived day by day, and the influence of any choice is limited. If you are opinionated and organized, in fact, the influence of your boyfriend is also limited.

First, evaluate whether the position aligns with your career goals.

If you study computer, you want to be engaged in technology. Although this offer is currently a testing position, on a large platform, testing is a regular position in technical positions. So, this is an OFFER that can pave the way for your future.

The conventional added value of a large company to a position is: standardized process, stable salary and benefits; for technical positions, excellent colleagues, cutting-edge software and hardware, and people around them are also very powerful, these are all "special" that cannot be ignored. Welfare.

So as you said: This is a very precious and valuable job OFFER. Note that at this point in the analysis, we are focusing on the present - this position is valuable to my young me and can pave the way for my future. Your choice of this OFFER is definitely not a lifetime thing, but a few years.

Secondly, the "professional ideal" contradicts the "marriage plan", what should I do?

1. It is not recommended to choose "compromise".

Regardless of the final choice, it is not advisable to make a "compromise because of your boyfriend's opposition" decision. Although two people need to tolerate each other when they get along, this "compromise" means sacrifice and grievance, which is equivalent to leaving hidden dangers to your relationship and your future life.

Even if the result of the discussion is that I will get married this year and prepare for pregnancy, so this offer should be rejected, it should be that you find this is what you need more now, don't go down with my compromised mentality.

2. Positive communication.

After the first two steps, I believe you should be more firm about your choice. If you choose not to go to this offer, you must continue to look for a job; if you choose to go, you must communicate with your boyfriend. Here are a few specific suggestions:

1. Don't make preconceived assumptions - your boyfriend will definitely disagree . Since you want to talk, of course, you are going to reach the goal of consensus. Preconceived and let yourself increase the negative emotion of "boyfriend only thinks about himself, boyfriend does not care about himself", it will make the conversation more complicated, it is easier to disagree and hurt each other.

2. Don't judge him, the core of this matter is your expectation of each other's work and income. Clearly explain your reasons for choosing a job, and don't put pressure on the other party by acting like a spoiled child or crying. Not to mention other conflicts in the past because of this incident.

3. Understand the other person's emotions and recognize that his starting point is the desire to consolidate his feelings with you.

While insisting on your own choice, a positive and active attitude to promote the relationship between the two parties can not only solve the current problems, but also may become a good accumulation for your future life together. Therefore, this matter is definitely worth spending more time and effort, and it does not mean that you have a low attitude in your relationship.

3. Carefully evaluate the needs of all aspects and make compensation plans.

"The company is in the suburbs, and there is a lot of overtime" will indeed affect the relationship between intimate relationships. If you choose this offer, you also need to consider what compensation plans are available. After all, working hard is for a good life. For example, you can think for yourself, what activities can enhance your relationship with your boyfriend, and can such activities be guaranteed after you enter a new job? For example, watch a movie every week, or share your mood with each other at a certain time of day. It also depends on your own communication habits and personal style.

Or is it possible, to adjust the location of your rental. Save each other's commute time to get off work, and also improve the time spent together.

Third, the current discussion may not be the most difficult. For future challenges, you have to prepare yourself.

1. Your career is yours. If you transfer the pressure from your career to your boyfriend, you will be a rogue.

It stands to reason that more and more girls are entering the workplace with higher education, and girls should become more and more independent. However, looking at the gender gap in income and social status, it does not seem so optimistic. Why?Wanting to be independent is a slogan, but the education you have always had may affect you every day.

One of the influences is that many girls, after feeling pressure in the workplace, will pose as weak.

I remember working overtime with an intern girl, and when she was about to finish her assignment, she saw her holding her mobile phone and started making noises, then loudly, and finally turned to sobbing mode. I just walked over and took care of it, only to find out that she asked her boyfriend to pick him up from get off work, and the boyfriend said you should take a taxi back. Then the little girl Lihua brought the rain to complain: He refused to come to the two nearby stops, obviously I worked very hard overtime.

I'm a little speechless: the company stipulates that after working overtime until 9 o'clock, you can reimburse the taxi fare, and now it's time, why do you have to do this? She said: I work overtime hard, and my boyfriend will spoil me.

no! Occasionally, your boyfriend is willing to pick you up, which is naturally sweet, but your career is your own, and you have to digest the pressure in your career. Relying on a boyfriend to transfer professional pressure is very rogue and not independent.

Girls, if they really want to pursue independent development, they must be mentally prepared to " fight their own career battles ", which will make it easier for them to balance psychologically. If you really pass your troubles at work to your boyfriend, then he is also more qualified to point fingers at your career , such as telling you "this job is not good, you should resign and stop doing it".

2. The space of career and life needs to be fought for by oneself.

Stress in the workplace is everywhere. And stress resistance and adjustment are long-term homework that anyone who is determined to enter the workplace must face, regardless of gender. If I work too much overtime, I hope my boyfriend will understand more; if I work too much overtime, I hope the company will arrange the tasks reasonably. . . If these "hopes" are just hopes, they are just hopes, and to become "reality" requires the expansion of one's own activity space.

1. As shared earlier, you need to improve your negotiating skills. There is a saying in the workplace: University majors are managed for two years, management skills are managed for eight years, technical skills are managed for ten years, and negotiation skills are managed for a lifetime. Therefore, when we enter the workplace, we must gradually learn to negotiate and negotiate. It is suggested that after you enter a new position, you should pay attention to the work rhythm of your department, and also develop good work habits, and face the tasks and the requirements of colleagues with the bottom line of not giving up life for work.

2. Improve work efficiency, accumulate industry resources, and give yourself more choices. On the way up, you will have more and more choices. Maybe in the future, there will be a high-quality position that is very close to the residence, flexible to work, and respects you very much, and will take the initiative to invite you because of your excellence.

After analyzing the above, and choosing the method before and after, we will find that the key point of things around us is not whether there are people around us who are stumbling, but ourselves. Are you willing to truly grow up and be able to make independent decisions and take responsibility for the tasks at work? If you can take responsibility, you are fighting for yourself, and the opinions of others will be your reference. If you have a little bit of dependence on your thoughts, the words of others will affect you in various ways.

Therefore, it is rare for your boyfriend to support your career, but not supporting you is not the reason for your emotional failure and career failure.

In short, choosing this matter is not just a decision, but requires long-term support .