Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
Today's "confidant" column discusses the topic - always suspecting that it may be your fault, is it sick? Do you have the same trouble?
A. It's me.
B. Occasionally think so.
C, almost do not think so.
If you're still not sure, let's give a few examples -
[Scene 1 Colleagues have lunch at noon]
Xiaona, she usually goes to dinner with Lily and the others. At noon today, Lily came to call her, but she didn't finish the work at hand, and she didn't look up, saying: I ordered takeout myself.
Lily didn't say anything, she left with other colleagues, and when she came back to see Xiaona eating alone, she ignored her.
At this time, Xiaona's inner OS is:
Was it too rigid just now? In fact, it's okay to come back after eating together. Does she think I don't want to eat with them?
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
(I have a bad attitude? Have an opinion on me?)
[Regular meeting of the second department of the scene]
The supervisor arranged a week's work and said to Xiaona: The few customers you followed up last week have not been actively followed up, and no bills have been issued until now! Be sure to keep an eye out this week! Call after the meeting!
Xiaona felt that she was staring too hard. She just finished the phone call before the meeting, and if she called after the meeting, I am afraid that customers will complain.
When he hesitated like this, the supervisor said: The new month is starting, don't think that you performed well last month (Xina was the second in sales last month). . .
At this time, Xiaona's inner OS is:
Should I just explain the situation? Does the supervisor think I don't take his words seriously? Is what the supervisor said about me?
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
(Think I don't pay attention? Have an opinion on me?)
Xiaona told me: I'm always like this. Sometimes, when the supervisor calls me to go to the office, I have to think about it first-Is there any task I haven't completed, how can I do something bad recently, etc.
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
But,
Even if you care about other people's feelings,
Cortana's interpersonal relationship is not very good.
On the one hand, I feel very aggrieved when I think about it carefully - I clearly didn't mean it, I have a reason, and other people are not doing better than myself, I feel very weak, very mentally handicapped, and even sick!
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
(Wronged)
On the other hand, colleagues felt that Xiaona was very hypocritical, and she always wronged Bara. She couldn't stand it even if she made a joke. Some even said: There is nothing to provoke her as little as possible.
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
(grievance*2)
To be honest, after listening to Xiaona's description, my initial feeling was "too hypocritical"!
There is no need to care so much about other people's opinions, and there is no need to make such a fuss.
It's hard to feel relaxed and comfortable with her in a state of walking on thin ice and nervous all day long! However, after careful communication, I found the other side of things:
>>> She was especially helpful. For colleagues and friends who ask her for help, even if she suffers a loss, even if she takes money or kung fu, she will try her best to help others achieve what they want.
>>> She pays great attention to detail. Always wonder if I am missing something? When I have nothing to do, I will turn over the workflow and customer files, and automatically check and fill in the gaps without being reminded by others. Of course, in the process, several high-intent customers were also found, and orders were quickly made.
>>>She can sensitively sense other people's emotions. This is especially effective when communicating with customers. She can clearly feel that the other party has a little concern and a little impatience. It will give customers space for customers to choose and judge by themselves, and will not make customers feel more Great pressure and discomfort, but the success rate is very high.
Therefore, she is actually equipped with a highly sensitive "crisis scanner" to help her catch danger signals and abnormal signals earlier than others.
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
It's just that this highly sensitive "crisis scanner" does not have an automatic shutdown function, and it will also make her very hard to receive information constantly.
Moreover, under normal circumstances, this highly sensitive "crisis scanner" is also equipped with the function of "automatically defining labels", for example, you are so cowardly, you are very careless, you will not develop, you offend people, etc. Wait.
In this way, invisibly, the people who are already working hard are punished again!
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
In the above analysis, we can actually find a way.
First, realize that you have a "crisis scanner" configured.
If you have the same troubles as Xiaona, you will always feel that you are not good enough, you will always wonder if you have done something wrong, if there is a conflict, you will always wonder if it is your own reason, etc.; then, you are not Sick, but, most likely you also have this "crisis scanner" automatically configured.
This is not a bad thing, on the contrary, this intuition and way of thinking about the problem can save you from making real mistakes.
Second, actively identify the signals of the "crisis scanner".
When receiving the signal from this "crisis scanner", do not rush to deal with it immediately, ask yourself 3 questions: Is this important? Does this have to be dealt with? Is the result of not processing acceptable?
If it’s not important, it doesn’t have to be dealt with, and it’s acceptable, then tell yourself: there’s no need to worry about yourself, and there’s no need to spend too much energy to deal with it.
Third, proactively identify "custom label" results.
When you receive a label from the "Custom Label" function, especially a negative label, don't rush to "convict" yourself immediately. Trust me, in most cases, it's not that serious!
If, in the "second step", it has been judged that no processing is required, forget it;
If you really need to be dealt with in the "second step" judgment, and you don't need to punish yourself "according to your crime", and you have abused yourself thousands of times in your heart, you might as well think about how you can eliminate misunderstandings and solve problems.
Always suspect that it may be my fault, is it sick?
According to my experience, all those who are willing to give priority to doubting whether they have done something wrong are kind, affectionate, and gentle people (the inverse proposition does not hold)!
They are a lucky group and can receive a lot of different information, so as to have more basis for decision-making.
Bless you, learn to use this automatic high-end equipment and get out of the pit of "self-doubt".