If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
01 Inevitable subtext in interpersonal communication
In interpersonal communication, many people do not speak directly. They are accustomed to hiding their true meaning behind gorgeous language. Combined with the scene and environment in the communication, the same words will have several meanings.
Many friends who have just entered the workplace are worried that because they do not understand the subtext in the words of the older generation, they will leave the impression of low emotional intelligence and affect their interpersonal relationships.
Therefore, in interpersonal communication, it is particularly important to learn to understand the subtext behind the language and to understand the meaning of the words fundamentally. By understanding the subtext and thinking clearly about what we want to communicate and express, we can fundamentally improve our social skills.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
In her novel "Cranford Town", the British nineteenth-century writer Lady Gaskell has such a special twist: "She knows what she knows, we know it, she knows we know it, and we know it too. She knows what we have in mind."
In fact, the author still has one sentence that he did not express, that is: "There are some words that everyone knows well, but they don't say it."
On the stage, the words spoken are called lines, and the words that are not spoken are called subtexts. What you don't say is often more important than what you say.
02What are the subtexts in our interpersonal communication?
Many words must be combined with the scene we are in, and only by analyzing what happened before and after can we know what the real meaning behind the sentence is.
Scenario 1:
You ask your boss for one thing. After listening to it, the leader asked a few related questions, and then threw you a sentence, "Let's talk about this later." In this case, what the leader really means is: I have no interest in this matter and don't talk about it. Saying "we will talk about it later" is just a step for everyone. The attitude behind the leader's subtext has actually been made clear, so don't mention it again in the future.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
Scenario two:
The boss holds a meeting, asks everyone what to say at the end of the meeting, and talks freely as a newcomer to express himself. The boss's evaluation of you is that young people are very character. What the boss really means is to remind you that the character is a bit too strong, and that the new person has no voice in such a meeting, because you do not have a very good understanding of the overall operation of the company, and what you say is not entirely correct.
Scenario three:
I'll go back and think about it. You wait for my news. Do these words feel familiar? Colleagues originally wanted to refuse, but because of face and the relationship between the two, they chose this delayed refusal method to reply to you. If the other party really wants to think about it, they will reply to you in about 2 days. If there is no reply, then it is really rejected.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
Scenario four:
Some people you just met but don’t know well want to invite you to dinner, but you don’t like to eat with unfamiliar people. You will definitely not refuse to say that I won’t go, and you will find reasons tactfully. The company has to work overtime. Recently The project is busy and has no time. This way, the other person will understand your rejection.
03How to understand the subtext in interpersonal communication?
Gibran once said: "If you want to understand a person, not to listen to what he said, but to listen to what he did not say." Subtext is a tool of our daily communication and communication, its purpose is to help us go more smoothly complete communication.
- Listen in your own shoes and think about the purpose and meaning behind the language
In psychology, according to the degree of language use, it is divided into two different communication methods: low-context and high-context.
Low-context communication means expressing your feelings, thoughts and thoughts as clearly and reasonably as possible when speaking, that is, what you say is what you want to express.
The high-context communication method means that some people are unwilling to offend others for some reason, or to maintain relationships, because of their face, so they will not directly express their true thoughts, and important information will not be clearly stated. To come out, you need to listen in your own shoes and combine the situation at that time to judge the true intention of the speaker.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
In high-context communication, we need to put ourselves in the other party's position, think about the other party's point of view, and experience the other party's feelings, so that we can truly understand what the other party wants to express.
2 Use "dual-core thinking" to dig out the emotions and needs behind the language
The so-called dual-core thinking means that we need to establish two kinds of thinking during the conversation. One kind of thinking is to listen to what the other party has to say, and the other kind of thinking is to think about the hidden feelings and emotions behind the content expressed by the other party.
Language in communication reflects the emotions of the expressor. If a person is in a bad mood, no matter what kind of suggestion you make, it will be rejected. Is your suggestion really bad? No, he was just looking for an emotional outlet.
When a person is sad, they will tell a lot of sad and bitter past. No matter how others persuade and analyze, there is no way. It is not that the comfort of others is weak, but that the sad person has been hurt emotionally. More language comfort, but more need quiet companionship to comfort.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
When the person's emotional energy returns to normal, he will be able to find a solution to the problem. Therefore, if we are in communication and find that if you explain things and reasons clearly, but the other party still cannot accept it, we must think about whether what we provide is not what the other party wants, and we have to deal with it in a different way. .
Put yourself in the person's shoes with empathy to listen to the other person's demands, stand in the other person's position through empathy, and think about whether the content you provide takes care of the other person's mood at the moment.
- Use body language to understand the true meaning of the other party
In interpersonal communication, the other party's information will not be expressed unilaterally in words, but will also communicate information and communicate through body movements, posture, spatial distance, etc. This is the so-called body language. Careful observation will find that body language provides an auxiliary framework for language content, helping you to better understand the true meaning of the other party.
When a person's words are consistent with his body language, we don't specifically perceive body language information. If what he says contradicts his body language, we can feel it.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
For example, in a conversation, you are talking and talking happily, but you can obviously feel that the other party picks up the keys or cups on the table to play, or looks around, obviously his attention is no longer on you. At this time, you need to change the topic, otherwise it will cause the other party's disgust.
04 What is more important in communication than understanding the subtext is to let the other party feel your sincerity
There is such a person in communication. No matter how hard you try, you can't understand the subtext in the communication. Even so, it will not affect your interpersonal relationship. I think it is more important to let the other party feel your sincerity, whether you are friendly to people, whether you are trustworthy, and whether people are willing to cooperate and make friends with you, than whether you can understand the subtext.
1 The golden rule of operation, treat others the way you want others to treat you
The founder of Rational Emotion Therapy, American psychologist Ellis coined a "golden rule": "Treat others how you want others to treat you."
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
The premise of applying the Golden Rule is that you have to make it clear that you are good to others, and sincere dedication to others is your own business, and you have no obligation or require others to treat you the same way. generate negative emotions.
In communication and relationships, separate from the anti-golden rule: what I do to others, others must do to me.
In interpersonal communication, it is necessary to make it clear that our efforts are first of all to be sincere to others and have a clear conscience. As for how others treat you, it is not within your controllable range, you should treat it with a "go with the flow" attitude, so that you can The inner conflict will also be reduced.
- In a diverse society, learn to accept different viewpoints
For the same sentence, different people will have different feelings in different situations. Don't think that everyone thinks in the same way, and your way of thinking cannot be imposed on others.
Society is diverse, don't force others to be like yourself, accept those who are different from you, "I am good to him, he may not be good to me, my thoughts may not be his thoughts" This is correct concept.
Don't have negative emotions and put pressure on yourself because others have reacted unexpectedly to you on the same thing. Different people should have different communication methods.
- Do not communicate negative information
Japanese writer Yataro Matsuura wrote in his book "Living as Easy as I Do" that he put his principles of being a person and doing things throughout his work and life. In work and interpersonal communication, try to tell each other your true thoughts on things, instead of speculating or casually slandering others to express your own opinions.
If you can't understand the subtext in the workplace, you will be excluded. Learn 3 methods to help you improve your interpersonal relationships
When he is dissatisfied with the work results of the other party at work, he will express his views on the matter and look forward to better cooperation next time. In this way, his colleagues feel his sincerity and look forward to long-term cooperation.
In interpersonal communication, we should not only listen with our ears, but also communicate with our hearts. When we exchange information, we are also exchanging feelings and emotions.