'I joined the company on the same day as him, why do female colleagues chat with him hotly? ' 3 tricks to break the game
Recently, a young netizen complained to me about his experience, which made people laugh bitterly.
Shortly after graduating from college, netizens joined a not-so-small Internet company. Because it is an Internet company, my colleagues are relatively young, basically boys and girls of the same age.
There is also a colleague who joined the company with the netizen. He also just graduated from college. The difference is that the colleague has been very hot with the old colleagues of the company within a few days, and there are many colleagues who take the initiative to help at work. He, and himself like an outsider, could never integrate into the new group.
The netizen smiled bitterly and said half-jokingly: "I thought that when I entered an Internet company, it was all young people who could successfully find the person they liked. Now it seems impossible. That colleague joined the company on the same day as me, not only all Female colleagues chat with him hotly, and male colleagues often chat and laugh with him."
After the communication later, I realized that netizens are really not good at chatting with people, and often embarrassed the atmosphere without saying a few words, so many colleagues are slowly reluctant to communicate with him.
This reminds me of some "talking to death" jokes on the Internet:
Woman: I have a cold and a fever of 39 degrees!
Male: Awesome, 666
Master of Ceremonies: Zhang Ailing said, "A man is a ship, a woman is a sail, and a family is a harbor."
Bride: Who is Eileen Chang?
Boy: Baby, do you know what day it is today?
Girls: White Day!
boy: what? 3.14 is Pi Day, I don't even know that!
There will always be people around everyone who are embarrassed to chat if they disagree. Many people will say that this is an emotional intelligence issue. In fact, normal communication with others and smooth chat make both parties comfortable. It should be everyone, especially the workplace. Basic human skills, the lack of which can make your life or career development miserable.
"I joined the company on the same day as him, why do female colleagues chat with him hotly?" 3 tricks to break the game
- People who can’t chat suffer huge losses
Chatting seems to be a very common and simple daily behavior. According to statistics, people spend one third of their life talking and chatting, so this seemingly ordinary behavior has a profound impact on your life. People who can't chat will invisibly cause huge losses.
- Lose a good relationship
The most direct thing is to lose good popularity. The experience of netizens mentioned above is the most typical example.
Many people are easy to talk to death as soon as they open their mouths. Even if some people are more enthusiastic, they take the initiative to chat with you at the beginning, and over time they find that you are a "boring" person, and they will gradually alienate you.
In this way, your popularity will become worse and worse. Popularity is actually the network we usually talk about. If you lose a good network, it may be difficult to move an inch, or it may be difficult to develop.
- Lose good opportunities
This is for people in the workplace. Many opportunities in the workplace are "chat". For example, when talking with leaders about salary increases, promotions, and work tasks, various chatting skills will be used.
It's not that you need to have very strong chatting skills, but at least you can't be embarrassed or unable to chat with each other, which will make you lose a lot of good career development opportunities.
- Become a soft persimmon
Of course, people who don't know how to chat are seen by others as being dull and slow to respond. Such people are most likely to be rejected and run on intentionally or unintentionally. To say it directly is to isolate you.
This is a phenomenon of "group bias", when an individual behaves inconsistently with other individuals, creating a situation of opposition.
The better ones will be regarded as soft persimmons, there will be a black pot for you, and good things will not be your turn, and the more serious ones will make you unable to survive in this group at all.
"I joined the company on the same day as him, why do female colleagues chat with him hotly?" 3 tricks to break the game
- Why do some people talk to death as soon as they open their mouths?
If you want to know how to chat normally and effectively, and make people like you and appreciate you, we should first understand why some people will chat to death as soon as they open their mouths. There are three reasons:
- Possess the character of lifting the bar
To raise the bar, a word that is more popular on the Internet is "bar fine". People with such a character can make the other party instantly angry with one sentence.
You said that the shoes were bought from the official website. He said that he was a professional, and he knew it was fake at a glance;
You said, I have to work overtime again today. Please comfort me. He said you deserve it. Who made you so inefficient?
You said, I brought some special products from home to give everyone a taste. He said that they can be bought anywhere, and there is nothing new.
This is the daily life of the "bar". If you don't agree with each other, you will shoot, and if you open your mouth, you will be scolded. You appear to be full of confidence and your opinions are correct. You lose interest in an instant, and you even want to hit people.
Just imagine, there is such a person around you, will you chat with him every day, and even get along well with him? Obviously not!
- Being too honest
There are also some people who can't chat because their personality is relatively straightforward, they speak without thinking, don't want the consequences, and say whatever they think of, which will also lead to awkward chats.
In the program "Idols Are Coming", Wang Han got up early in the morning and enthusiastically made a pot of scallion noodles for everyone, so that everyone present had a delicious breakfast when they got up.
While everyone was thanking Wang Han for his kindness and praising the delicious breakfast, Zhao Liying frowned and said: Eat this in the morning, it's a little greasy! Still giggling after speaking.
Wang Han was instantly embarrassed, but fortunately there were others who kept praising him and changed the subject.
You must know that this is Wang Han's kindness. Even if it is a little greasy, there is no need to say it directly. Just pour cold water and put it in your heart, or express it euphemistically.
- Get used to the above training
Some people are not leaders or big coffees themselves, but they habitually regard themselves as superiors, say some big truths, and always put on a posture of "coming people" in front of people.
For example, there is a colleague like this in our office. Sometimes other colleagues may encounter problems, and this colleague is more experienced. When he opens his mouth, he says "don't you know...", although in the end he still Helped solve the problem, but every time I always make my life full of anger and feel very uncomfortable.
Therefore, when we get along with people of the same level, level, and identity as ourselves, we should not always put on a "come here" attitude. Maybe you have good intentions, but the speaker has no intention, and the listener has intention. Over time, There will be a rift between you.
"I joined the company on the same day as him, why do female colleagues chat with him hotly?" 3 tricks to break the game
- To become a chat expert, you only need 3 strokes
Therefore, if you have the above characteristics, you must pay attention. Maybe in the process of chatting with others, you will invisibly offend a lot of people, or alienate a lot of people.
Here are a few suggestions for effective chat:
- Learn to listen and let the other party get respect
Hemingway once said, "It took me two years to learn to speak, but it took me sixty years to learn to shut up."
Therefore, the most important thing in chat is not what to say, but to learn to listen. Chat is not a one-man show, but listening is the foundation of chat, so that the other party can get due respect.
There are two levels of listening here:
- Understand the information
In the process of chatting, it is best not to interrupt the other party's speech at will, let the other party finish one thing, and then fully understand the content and information expressed by the other party.
- Feel the emotions
Of course, in the process of chatting, text messages are one aspect, and the more important thing is to pay attention to the expression of the other party's emotions, is it happy? Is it sad? Is it bland? This is what we have to experience.
Then, when responding, give feedback according to the corresponding emotions, which will make the other party feel that they have found a "confidant".
2, learn to affirm, let the other party get a good impression
The reason why many people talk to death as soon as they open their mouths is that when the other party raises a topic, they don't follow it smoothly, but deny the other party's meaning, or answer directly so that people can't answer.
Chatting is like playing ping-pong, there are back and forth, and each other, if the other party serves the ball and you hit the racket far away, how can you play happily?
It's as if the other party said: "I found the new movie that was released so good", and you replied: "What's so good, it's boring", then the chat between you ends here, or it just escalates into an argument .
You can completely affirm the other party's ideas first, and after the other party has a certain favorable impression, you can express a different point of view, for example: "Yes, but I think it would be better if the male protagonist was taller."
Of course, for some principled issues, there is no need for you to affirm the other party or accommodate the other party. You must clarify your own position, such as "Taiwan belongs to China."
"I joined the company on the same day as him, why do female colleagues chat with him hotly?" 3 tricks to break the game
- One question and more answers to make the other party more interested
The first two points are about not letting the chat become embarrassing, so that the chat can go on comfortably. This point is to make the chat between the two parties full of topics and make the other party excited.
Many people think that when someone asks me, what I answer is an effective chat. In fact, it is still a bit meaningless. For example:
Woman: Have you eaten?
man: eat
Woman: Oh, what are you doing now?
Male: playing with mobile phone
If you are the woman, do you feel that chatting like this is very tiring, and it feels like a hot face and a cold butt? After a while, I won't be able to chat with this guy anymore.
Therefore, if you want to really attract each other and gain a good impression when you are chatting, you can take a question-and-answer method, extend the topic, and construct a rich chat atmosphere, for example:
Woman: Have you eaten?
Man: I did. Although today's food was good, I didn't dare to eat too much!
Female: Haha, me too, I just finished eating, I lost weight recently, and I'm not that full after eating~
Man: Huh? Are you losing weight too?
In this way, the topic can be developed smoothly. A question can be extended to multiple directions of answers, and there is always one that is of interest to both parties.
"I joined the company on the same day as him, why do female colleagues chat with him hotly?" 3 tricks to break the game
There is a saying in the workplace: "Those who can talk win as soon as they speak!" The example of the netizen and his colleagues mentioned at the beginning is very typical.
Therefore, don't take chatting as an ordinary, irrelevant daily behavior. A mouth can bring good popularity and career development, and a mouth can also ruin your social life and cause huge losses to life.
Master the 3 chatting skills mentioned above, so that you can win as soon as you speak, and make people feel like a spring breeze as soon as you speak.
So, what skills do you think you need to pay attention to in chatting? Welcome to leave a message~