> > Many parents don't know how to communicate with their children, either blindly praise too much, or criticize and reprimand. To reduce negative language, parents may wish to try the "sandwich rule" to communicate better with their children. >

Xiao Zhang often cried to us and could not communicate with the child. Moreover, I always feel that the child is either deliberately disobedient and against himself, or he hates himself in his heart and is unwilling to talk and communicate with himself . In fact, from the way Xiao Zhang communicates with the child, the child's behavior can be understood. When the child came home from school, he happily ran to the kitchen and told his mother that he had scored 95 in the exam today. However, Xiao Zhang told the child that he didn't even get 98 points in the test, and he didn't get 100% in the test. What's there to be happy about . At this time, Xiao Zhang brought negative language to the child, and it was ironic. It is conceivable that the child's original happy mood disappeared instantly. The child originally thought that the mother would be happy for him and praise himself. The result was very different from what the child expected. The child was very disappointed and gradually became reluctant to communicate with the mother.

> > Carnegie said that if you are right, you need to seek the consent of others in gentle language combined with communication skills. If you are wrong, admit your mistake quickly and sincerely. This makes communication more effective and fun. In many cases, parents are often self-righteous in the process of communicating with their children, and they "know their mistakes and never change them." >

How parents often communicate with their children

The first: reprimand and criticize

Many times, when parents communicate with their children, they will order and reprimand their children in a proud and indomitable parental attitude. If the child fails the exam, the parents criticize and reprimand the child without asking the reason. The child accidentally broke the water glass, and the mother immediately shouted at the child, saying that the child is " so stupid, I can't do anything well ".

The second: Blind and excessive praise

There are also some parents who give their children too much praise no matter what they do well or not. When the child scored 80 points in the test, the mother said, "My baby is awesome and smart." When the child is praised by the teacher at school, the mother praises and praises the child a lot, and praises the child in various ways.

The third type: demanding too much from children

When the child saw that his mother was busy doing laundry, he took the initiative to wash the tableware and chopsticks after eating. However, after seeing the child wash dishes, the mother not only did not praise and praise the child. Instead, he said, "The tableware and chopsticks are not clean, and only the tableware and chopsticks have been washed, but not washed."

> > Liang Shiqiu once said that a conversation is like writing an essay. It needs to be well-informed, have a clear theme, have a sense of hierarchy, have an order, and be incoherent. When many parents chat and communicate with their children, they often extend and expand their children's shortcomings on a large scale, and repeatedly nagging, like a snowball. >

The impact of negative verbal communication on children

Let children have a sense of inferiority: Children who often accept the language of their parents will develop a sense of inferiority in their hearts over time. The mother said that the child is stupid and can't do anything well. Children will repeat their mother's words in their brains over and over again , thinking that they are stupid, can't do anything well, can't learn anything, and are useless.

Indifference and silence: There are also children, who are often criticized and reprimanded by their parents, when they use negative language to communicate. The child will become silent, not resisting, not angry, but will face the negative language of the parents more and more with indifference.

Rebellious, not self-motivated: The child's early childhood is a critical period for the formation of temperament and personality . At this time, parents continue to bring the child's negative evaluation, and the child may just become more silent. However, when the child grows into adolescence, the inner dissatisfaction will erupt, and the parents will settle the account. At this time, the child will become rebellious, undisciplined, working against the parents, tired of learning, forming a mentality of breaking the pot, and gradually becoming unmotivated.

Good communication can not only make the relationship between parents and children more intimate and harmonious, but also allow children to like and take the initiative to share their feelings and thoughts with their parents. Negative language will make children hate their parents and affect their physical and mental health. Therefore, parents should learn and find the best way and method to communicate with their children, and master the communication skills with their children.

Adopt the "sandwich rule" to build bridges with children

cooperate and agree

When a child is communicating with his parents, if there is a disagreement, the parents should not be decisive and blindly deny the child. Instead, think from the child's point of view, cooperate with and agree with the child's ideas. This will not only give the child a full sense of respect , but also make the child willing to continue to communicate with their parents . And, we can also hear the child's next understanding and interpretation of his own thoughts.

Actively guide

When we listen carefully and patiently to the children, we can use a gentle tone and positive energy to guide the children correctly. In this way, some wrong ideas of the child can be subtly corrected well, and the child can be willing to accept it without hurting the child's self-esteem. The child scored 98 points in the test and was very happy, obviously the child was very satisfied. The mother can say to the child, it's great, the test is very good. In this way, the mother's evaluation will cater to the inner expectations of the child, and let the child feel that the mother affirms his efforts and value.

learn to appreciate

Every child wants to be appreciated, recognized and affirmed by their parents. This can give children great encouragement and make them more confident. When the child told his mother that he was praised by the teacher today as "very responsible and collective, he is a role model for the students to learn from". At this time, the mother can say "the teacher is right, I think so too". When the child insists on repeating what he has learned today before going to bed every night. The mother must fully affirm the child's behavior and efforts , and say to the child, "You are really a child with perseverance, perseverance, and study skills, and the mother wants to learn from you." In this way, the child will have a sense of value and a sense of role model.

Summarize

Lin Fu wrote in "Saving the Heart" that those who lack knowledge are eager to learn, and those who are ashamed to ask questions are complacent. As parents, we are not born knowing how to be parents to our children. We, like children, are constantly learning and growing. In the process of learning how to be parents, we will keep making mistakes, but we only have the courage to correct them and keep learning with a positive and optimistic attitude.