There is a topic of debate in parent-child education, which has always been high, that is, how parents should correctly criticize their children. Some parents think that they need to take into account their children's self-esteem, and try to criticize behind closed doors; while some parents feel ashamed to let their children know of progress, so they agree to reprimand their children in public. The author believes that competent parents should know how to protect their children's self-esteem. Public scolding brings scars to children that will never heal.

Ms. Li has been busy with work recently and cannot take care of her daughter properly. It is inevitable that she has neglected her child's study and life. Last Friday, Ms. Li finally finished her work project and was able to leave work early. So I went to the kindergarten to pick up the child, and the mother and daughter were going to eat at the restaurant outside to enjoy a rare parent-child time.

But at the dinner table, the mother and daughter talked about the recent test results, Ms. Li suddenly got angry and criticized the child loudly in public: "The family spends so much money to send you to a famous kindergarten, but you don't study hard, you only know how to draw every day. .Are you worthy of the tuition I pay you? Isn't it all for you that I work so hard every day?"

In the face of her mother's reprimand, Ms. Li's daughter kept her head down and silently wiped away her tears. During the meal that followed, not only did he not have a smile, but he also didn't take another bite of food.

This scene must be familiar to many people. We can often see it in life. Some parents like to reprimand their children in front of everyone. The reasons for this phenomenon of education are roughly due to the following three situations.

Why do some parents like to scold their children in public?

1. Belief that shame can make children progress

In traditional educational thinking, it is believed that shame can promote children's progress. Only when the self-esteem is hurt can the child be ashamed and courageous, study harder, and give back to those who hurt him through grades. In fact, children's ability to bear is very fragile. If the self-esteem is hurt, it is very likely to cause emotional collapse and various negative emotional reactions, which will lead to psychological problems in children.

2. I feel that children do not need face

Some parents feel that their children's lives are given by themselves, and that their children's clothing, food, shelter and transportation are provided by themselves, so they are the children's supervisors, so they can criticize their children unscrupulously. They often feel that children don't need face, and they just need to coax them after criticizing them. If the child holds revenge, it is a white-eyed wolf, and I am sorry for the kindness of his own upbringing.

3. Unable to control irritable temper

There are also some parents who are more ill-tempered, lack patience when facing their children, and are always unable to control their temper. Yelling at the child, even hitting and scolding. This kind of irritable temper of parents will bring serious psychological damage to children and lead to a variety of extreme consequences. By then, it will be too late to regret it.

Although children are young, they also have some small "vanity". I don't want to be criticized in front of others, I hope to be more face-saving. If parents do not know how to respect their children and maintain their self-esteem, the final result is often hurting their children's feelings, causing a variety of psychological problems and seriously hindering their children's growth.

Parents don't give their children "face", it hurts the children's "inner"

1, low self-esteem and cowardly character

Parents' behavior of not giving face is easy to make children form inferiority complex and cowardly characters. Unable to build sufficient security and self-confidence, always feel inferior to others. Even the things you are good at can't bring inner satisfaction. Therefore, I often watch the opportunity slip away from my eyes and dare not fight for it bravely. Moreover, in terms of personality, it is also easy to be emotional and worry about gains and losses, and it is easy to miss opportunities when doing things repeatedly.

2. "Broken the jar"

Public criticism by parents can easily make children rebellious, leading to broken jars and easy giving up. I thought that my parents were disappointed with me anyway, so I simply gave up studying and changed towards my parents' scolding. The more parents say that they are not good, they will deliberately do bad things and retaliate through this confrontation.

3. Psychological shadows appear

If parents often criticize their children in front of everyone, it will easily hurt their children's self-esteem and leave a serious psychological shadow. As a result, children will appear timid in public, dare not express themselves, and wish to hide themselves. Therefore, even if the child's interests are harmed, it is difficult to have the courage to argue with others. This psychological shadow will accompany the child for a lifetime, and it is difficult to repair even in adulthood.

How should parents "save face" for their children in parent-child education?

1. Express love unreservedly

Educator Spencer once said, "When a child feels loved and trusted, miracles will soon appear in front of you."

Therefore, parents should express their love unreservedly to their children in parent-child education, so that children can clearly perceive that their parents love them very much and believe in them. In this way, children can have a great sense of security and have sufficient confidence in themselves. Avoid the harm caused by negative emotions, even if you are criticized, you will not easily doubt yourself.

2. Maintain the child's self-esteem

At the same time, parents also need to maintain their children's self-esteem. If they criticize their children, it is best to choose a more private and quiet place, rather than in front of everyone. At the same time, when criticizing children, the words should be more rational and objective, do not label children with offensive remarks, and do not suppress children's self-confidence and self-esteem. When children's self-esteem is maintained, they can better understand the meaning of respecting themselves and others, and thus become better people.

3. Do not deny the praise of others to the child

In China's traditional educational philosophy, people should be humble. Especially when others praise their children, many parents will always say a few words about their children's shortcomings to be polite. In fact, this method is extremely unreasonable. Parents should not deny others' praise to their children in front of their children, otherwise it will seriously damage their children's self-confidence. It will also make children feel that they have no face, and their self-esteem has been hurt. Faced with this situation, parents can politely express their gratitude, or compliment each other's children.

Zheng Yuanjie said: "If you want to destroy your child, you should first do something to destroy the child's self-esteem. The most important thing to do is to show the child's ugliness in public, hurt him, belittle him, and make him feel ashamed in front of outsiders."

Therefore, parents should pay attention to their educational attitude in parent-child education, and should guide their children rationally and objectively in the face of inappropriate behaviors. child. We should protect children's self-esteem and help children establish self-confidence, so that they can live their own wonderful life in the future.

Have you ever had the experience of scolding your child in public? Welcome to leave a message for discussion.