On weekends, you are lying in bed and brushing your phone after working hard for a week, and your friend suddenly invites you to play, and you have no desire to go shopping. At this time, will you refuse your friend's invitation?

In fact, 90% of the people finally agreed with their friends.

I don't know when, rejection has become a scarce ability. We may agree to other people’s requests for various reasons, even ignoring our own feelings and forcing ourselves to do things we don’t want to do.

In the workplace, people who will not refuse, how are they now?

those who will not refuse

1. "Trouble him, he won't refuse anyway"

Before the National Day holiday, two colleagues in the department took two days off and were going to go home on the 29th, but the premise of the leader's approval of the leave was to ensure that the work of the two days was completed on time.

Usually the work is at full capacity, how can there be time to complete these tasks in advance?

Unsurprisingly, they found another colleague, S.

S is a typical "good guy" in the workplace . He has no temper. No matter how excessive his colleagues make demands, he will not refuse.

On the evening of the 27th, the two colleagues invited S to dinner, hoping that S could help them finish their work for the past two days.

But they didn't mention reward or compensation from beginning to end. Anyone with a little temper would have turned his face and refused, but S didn't refuse. Instead, he thanked them for inviting them to dinner, and agreed with a good voice.

Two days before the National Day, when everyone had no intention of working and waiting for the holiday, the two colleagues who asked for leave had already gone home for a trip, but S increased the workload several times for no reason, and worked overtime alone in the company. Go home in the middle of the night.

I believe that there will always be "good people" like S around everyone.

The reason why they are said to be good people is because no matter how excessive and harsh other people's requirements are, they will always agree with their teeth, and they will always suffer in the end.

Over time, their presence will be low because their thoughts or feelings are not important to others.

The reality is very cruel. The disadvantage of helping “good guys” in the workplace every time is that once others take this kind of “non-rejection” as a habit, when the “good guys” want to refuse, they will be regarded as unrighteous and unworthy. , the hatred value is full.

The reason why many company leaders are reluctant to have "good people" in the workplace is because it is very unfavorable to work and interpersonal relationships.

2. "When you refuse to lead, you don't respect leadership"

Not long ago, a young man who had just graduated from college and worked in a bank in Beijing was slapped by another leader for refusing the request of a leader of the company to replace his drink with wine during a dinner party, which caused public opinion.

Does rejecting leadership mean disrespecting leadership?

The traditional concept may think so, but according to the "China "Post-90s" Insight Report released by Liepin, the post-90s generation most want to meet a friend-type leader, and they are very resistant to and reject colleagues who rely on the old to sell the old and please their superiors.

Therefore, from the perspective of the post-90s generation, whether to refuse and whether to respect the leadership may have nothing to do with it.

In addition to the different ideas, the reality is also complicated.

This young man has not touched alcohol in the past 10 years. If this time he forced himself to drink because "rejecting the leader is disrespecting the leader", the next time at the unit dinner, other leaders may say: " Last time you were able to drink with a certain leader, why not this time? Do you think you should only respect him and not me?"

If we also encountered such a problem, there must be only two solutions.

Either refuse to drink no matter what the occasion, or keep drinking at the beginning, or it will be misunderstood as disrespectful, looking down on colleagues or leaders.

And when we do have physical problems , rejection becomes our only option.

Therefore, rejection of leadership must not be equated with disrespect for leadership. The crux of the question may be, how exactly do we say no?

How to say no at work

In the face of an invitation from a colleague or leader, how should you refuse it so as to avoid embarrassment for the other party and not affect interpersonal relationships?

1. Be honest about why

In interpersonal communication, we care more about the attitude of speaking than the content conveyed. A sincere attitude can solve 70%-80% of the problems.

In addition, carefully clarifying the reasons for rejection can also effectively avoid misunderstanding and embarrassment.

For example , the body does not allow it, compared with directly telling the leader "I am not in good health and cannot drink alcohol", "Sorry, I actually want to drink hard with everyone, but I suffer from a serious stomach ulcer. The doctor repeatedly emphasized to me. If I drink again, it will probably aggravate my condition, and I will not be able to go to work normally, and I have to trouble everyone to help me complete the work." It will be much better.

2. Set some conditions for your rejection

Instead of telling the other person why we refused, put some conditions on your own refusal.

The first situation is under what conditions we would refuse.

For example, if a friend invites you to go out on weekends, but you just want to lie in bed and don't want to move, you might as well tell the other person, "It's too late to work overtime on Friday night, and I want to rest on the weekend." refused" conditions.

The second situation is to tell the other party under what conditions we will agree.

For example, a girl is invited to a movie alone by a boy she doesn't know well. In order to avoid embarrassment, she might as well refuse him like this: "When my best friend has time, let's go out and play together!"

This refusal is not only euphemistic, but also informs the other party that we agree to their premise, and the same situation will not happen next time.

Euphemistically rejecting by setting conditions shows that we do not want to reject outright.

From the other party's point of view, the reason why I was rejected was because of a problem with the time and location of the invitation. As long as these conditions are met next time, the other party will agree.

If it is true that these conditions are not met to refuse, then tell the other party.

And if the rejection is entirely because you don't want to agree to any request from the other party, you might as well make the conditions as difficult as possible, so that the other party will not invite you again next time.

3. Affirm the demands of others before rejecting them

Why is the "quake group" so popular?

Although rainbow farts can be seen at a glance, praising others generously can definitely promote the harmony of interpersonal relationships.

Before rejecting others, you might as well find an angle to affirm the other party, and then express regret and regret, and express that you must accept the invitation if you have the opportunity.

For example, a colleague in the department organizes a holiday and autumn outing, but we have made other arrangements. Before explaining the reason for the rejection, we might as well confirm the other party's behavior.

"This weather is so suitable for autumn tours. Last time, my friends and I went to a certain scenic spot for boating. The restaurant there will also serve crabs at noon. The taste is very good! I think your vision is very good, so you chose that place to go. Only But I have already made arrangements for my holiday..." I believe it is difficult for the other party to say anything.

Rejection is an art, and invitations in different scenarios have different ways of rejecting them.

But at the end of the day, it’s about empathy, observing others, understanding others, making decisions from your own perspective, and preferably making people feel comfortable in the process of being rejected.