I am most afraid of your ability and low emotional intelligence. How to deal with these three things determines your workplace emotional intelligence!
How important is emotional intelligence?
Everyone knows that emotional intelligence is more important than intelligence. But it's far more important than we think.
Daniel Gorman, Ph.D. in psychology at Harvard University (the proponent of the theory of emotional intelligence) once said: "In life, from childhood to adulthood to success, IQ accounts for 20%, and emotional intelligence accounts for 80%."
Statistics show that 85% of a person's success factors are determined by interpersonal relationships, while knowledge, technology, experience and other factors only account for 15%.
The situations we often see in real life are nothing more than the following:
High IQ, high emotional intelligence, and spring breeze.
Low IQ, high EQ, noble people help.
High IQ, low EQ, underappreciated.
Low IQ, low emotional quotient, and poor life.
However, in the workplace, most people belong to the ranks of high IQ and low EQ - underappreciated. Why? Is it just because of poor emotional intelligence? Before answering this question, let's take a look at what everyone knows about "emotional intelligence".
I am most afraid of your ability and low emotional intelligence. How to deal with these three things determines your workplace emotional intelligence!
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional quotient usually refers to the emotional quotient, referred to as EQ, which mainly refers to the quality of people's emotions, will, and tolerance of setbacks. Generally speaking, there is no obvious innate difference in emotional intelligence between people, and it is more closely related to the cultivation of the day after tomorrow. Defined from the simplest level, improving emotional intelligence is to change the part that cannot control emotions into controllable emotions, thereby enhancing the ability to understand and get along with others.
According to Gorman, this intelligence is made up of five characteristics: self-awareness, self-regulation, drive, empathy, and social skills.
In Cai Kangyong's Emotional Intelligence Lesson, in Cai Kangyong's view, emotional intelligence is the sum of a person's ability to deal with all relationships, including the relationship between people and themselves, the relationship between people and others, and the relationship between people and the environment.
In this relationship map, people with high emotional intelligence can make their lives more comfortable, and they will not be trapped in negative energy emotions; furthermore, in human affection, family affection, friendship, and love, they can better manage a comfortable period of time. Relationships; even in a large group, can positively infect others.
You see, emotional intelligence is far more complex and profound than we think. Going back to workplace emotional intelligence, in Gorman's definition, it refers more to empathy and social skills. In Cai Kangyong's opinion, emotional intelligence refers more to relationships and groups, that is, to be the self that others like, and the self that everyone likes.
I am most afraid of your ability and low emotional intelligence. How to deal with these three things determines your workplace emotional intelligence!
How to improve workplace emotional intelligence?
How to improve workplace emotional intelligence? This is a big proposition. In order to be more focused and efficient, we have selected several situations that are common in the workplace, and specifically talk about the ways and methods of dealing with high emotional intelligence, hoping to give you practical help and improvement.
- How to deal with negative emotions without affecting others?
The way to deal with negative emotions, especially anger and sadness, is to push them down with willpower, thinking it will go away on its own. However, the power of emotions, especially the power of negative emotions, if left untreated, builds up and can explode in unexpected situations.
In the workplace, if you suppress your emotions, pretend to be happy, etc., when you get home from get off work and relax, the suppressed dissatisfaction often erupts automatically, which will hurt the people around you at that time. This is the famous cat kicking effect in psychology.
The cat-kicking effect refers to venting our dissatisfaction with people who are lower than ourselves or who are weaker than ourselves. This is a typical vicious circle caused by emotional contagion.
When your feelings, desires, or attitudes toward someone, for some reason, cannot be expressed directly to the other person. You'll transfer this emotion to a safer object as a defense against your psychologically helpless anxiety. Simply put, you have an opinion about someone and experience it in someone else.
For example, a father was in a bad mood when he was accused by leaders of the company. When I got home, I saw the child jumping around on the sofa, so I scolded the child badly. The child was very angry, so he kicked the cat beside him.
It is important to deal with negative emotions in a timely manner. If you get emotional, don't make excuses, express your emotions directly to the other party, and tell them gently and firmly that I'm in a bad mood now and need to be quiet for a while, I hope you can understand. This allows the emotions to retreat.
Then, in the pause time that you have won, change yourself a small emotional corner, find a comfortable and quiet corner to deal with your emotions, think about why you are in a bad mood, find it, and solve it it. You can write it out, shout it out, or listen to music, take a walk, and when your emotions are dealt with, you can deal with things without affecting others.
I am most afraid of your ability and low emotional intelligence. How to deal with these three things determines your workplace emotional intelligence!
- How to ask the other party to accept it more easily?
When you need to put forward your own requirements to your boss or colleagues at work, how should you communicate so that it is easier for the other party to accept it?
For example, we want a colleague to help with a document, to exchange working hours, or we want our boss to give us a promotion and a raise.
It is not a good way to "get straight to the point" when making demands in the workplace. What is a better way? Recommend everyone a "four-step rule", express your requirements through four steps. These four steps are actually the four elements of storytelling, namely background, conflict, question and answer.
The first step is to explain the background. Describe a scene or situation objectively with the other person.
Take the example of "raising a salary increase with the boss", you can first introduce the background to the boss, for example: "Boss, I have been in the company for two years, and my work performance is not bad, you can see it."
This is a fact that the boss can recognize, and your subsequent conversations are based on this background.
The second step is to point out the conflict. You need to tell your boss what obstacles or crises you have encountered at work. For example, the progress of the project I took over recently was very difficult, but recently, I feel that I have lost the sense of accomplishment and motivation of the work. This is the objective difficulty you encounter at work, and the boss certainly has the responsibility to help you solve it.
The third step is to ask questions, that is, to point out the problem. For example, why do you lose motivation at work? It may be that in these two years, no matter how good or bad your work is, you have not received a higher salary, and have not been recognized and motivated by the company.
The fourth step is to propose corresponding solutions. Only at this time can you clearly express your needs and say, "So boss, can you give me a little extra salary?"
Then, with the previous series of "inheritance and transformation", the boss has a clear understanding of how your idea came from, and has a deeper understanding of your needs, so it will naturally be easier to agree to your request.
I am most afraid of your ability and low emotional intelligence. How to deal with these three things determines your workplace emotional intelligence!
Of course, the "four-step rule" is not a panacea, but it can increase the likelihood that the other party will accept your request.
Because when trying to persuade others, the most important thing is to let others have the time and patience to fully listen to your reasons, and if you put requirements first, the other party may not have the patience to listen in detail. Why are you asking for a raise?
You will find that people with high emotional intelligence have an important principle when making requests, that is, respect the other party's right to choose everywhere. In many cases, handing over rights to the other party is an important "magic weapon" for making demands in the workplace.
In fact, handing over the power to the other party is to let the other party help you solve the problem. If you hand over the power to the boss, after asking for a raise, say to the boss, "Can you help me think about it, is there any solution?"
At this time, the boss may stand on your point of view and use the information that the TA knows to help you consider the problem.
For example, although there may be no way to give you a salary increase now, but the company has several salary increases a year, you can reserve one for you first; or instead of using salary increases to motivate you, you can replace them with project bonuses way and so on.
You see, when you hand the power back to your boss, the boss will be proactive and help you figure it out and be more likely to accept your request.
I am most afraid of your ability and low emotional intelligence. How to deal with these three things determines your workplace emotional intelligence!
- How can I help so that I won't be "busy"?
I often encounter such a situation in my work. When my colleagues ask you for help, and you help, sometimes the other party is not only not grateful, but also picks and chooses. At this time, I will feel like I have become a pig and look in the mirror - neither inside nor outside. people.
When a colleague asks you for help, do you want to help?
First of all, you have to get your mind right. When a mature person promises to help others, he should do it with an equal attitude; instead of giving the other a favor, the other person should always remember to return it from time to time.
If we can cultivate an equal attitude to help others, then, after helping others, once we encounter criticism from others, we can face such results relatively calmly.
When a colleague comes to ask you to help write a report, you wonder why you agreed to this help? Is it because you value the friendship between the two of you?
If it is, you are not being gracious, but because you help him make this report, it can improve your friendship.
If you choose to help him write this report because you want the other party to help you next time and let him owe you favors this time, then you have the purpose of exchange.
So, when we promise to help others, we better ask ourselves, what is the reason for the promise?
If you can't think of a reason at all, then it's best not to say yes. If you can figure out the reason, whether it's for a specific purpose, or just for your own pleasure, you can help.
Because at least we have considered it and used a mature mentality to help
Secondly, there is a principle of helping others. Once we promise to help others, we must use other people's standards to complete the task, not our own standards.
Once there is no way to complete this task according to the other party's standards, we must be ready to be picked by the other party.
In order to avoid this kind of unpleasant situation, there is another way to put the ugly words in the front. When the other party asks you for help, you must first remind the other party that your ability can only be achieved to the extent that it may not be able to meet the other party's requirements. standard.
In this way, the responsibility of the decision is put into the hands of the other party, instead of slapping the chest, Baoshan Bao Haidi agreed, but in the end it failed to meet the other party's expectations.
With such a mature attitude and principles to help others, it is possible to strengthen the interpersonal relationship more and more. Otherwise, I am afraid that in turn, it will bring more harm to interpersonal relationships.