Don't let anxiety ruin your efforts, the most effective way to relieve anxiety is to start from reality

I've written a lot about anxiety, and it's not just because the times change, the more anxiety we get. Coping with anxiety has become a common problem. Another reason is that Jiujiu himself is more prone to anxiety.

Recently, the task of work is heavy, and I feel that I cannot complete it, and I am anxious. There is an important report in a few days, and I am afraid of screwing up and anxious. Waking up in the morning thinking about what to do today, anxious. Sleep at night worrying about things not done, anxiety. Seeing who made the grades today makes me anxious. When I see someone buying a house and a car tomorrow, I'm anxious.

There are so many things to worry about, but is it really worth worrying about? It is said that more than 90% of anxiety is meaningless, "anxiety", like "regret", is the most time-wasting, and in any case, such emotions are not helpful. Instead of worrying, work hard. Don't let anxiety ruin your efforts.

What is the nature of anxiety? What is the cause of anxiety?

When anxiety arises, people often cannot articulate what they are anxious about. It may not arise from a specific thing or situation, but from an imagined danger. Moreover, the probability of this danger happening is very small.

There are four typical causes of anxiety: long-term incentives, recent environmental reasons, reasons that perpetuate anxiety, and neurophysiological factors.

First, long-term incentives. It refers to the factors that arise from birth to childhood and lead to anxiety disorders later in life. Such as genetic factors, early traumatic experiences, including parental neglect, excessive criticism, etc.

Second, recent environmental reasons. For example, in the past one or two months, the pressure has suddenly increased, suffered heavy losses, and fell ill.

Third, what keeps the anxiety going. These reasons are varied and include muscle tension, negative self-talk, false beliefs, lack of exercise, unhealthy diet and lack of self-care abilities.

Fourth, neurophysiological factors. The anxiety we're talking about today doesn't touch that level. We only talk about anxiety in the usual sense, which is more like a nervous, uneasy, worried, panicked mood and state of mind.

The reasons most people are prone to anxiety are usually caused by recent environmental reasons, as well as negative self-talk and false beliefs.

Don't let anxiety ruin your efforts, the most effective way to relieve anxiety is to start from reality

How to relieve anxiety?

I have a lot of thoughts on this issue. Jiujiu was particularly prone to anxiety from the time she was a student to the time when she just started working after graduating from university. When I was studying, I started to buckle and bite my nails as soon as I got to the early stage of the exam. Even after work, when encountering a little difficult and thorny thing, I become so nervous and anxious that I can’t sleep well and eat badly.

Later, after reading a lot of books on psychology, body and mind, I gradually realized that most of the unnecessary anxiety comes from our wrong way of thinking and wrong beliefs. And, of course, physical and mental health.

Combined with the content of the book "Coping with Anxiety", I will specifically talk about effective methods for dealing with anxiety.

1. Think about problems from reality and avoid 8 distorted ways of thinking

Different ways of thinking lead to different people's feelings about things. To think about problems from reality is to reorganize our way of thinking.

Li Xiaolai said a passage in "Taking Time as a Friend", which was very impressive. He said, how do you know if you're doing the right thing? There is only one core: to see if it is realistic.

If a man is right, his world will be right. Whether a person is correct depends on whether he sees things correctly, that is, whether he sees things as realistic. If you start from reality in everything, you will save a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

It is easy to understand from reality and try to be objective and realistic. The opposite of it is to avoid many distorted ways of thinking.

1. Catastrophic thinking

In life, the most anxiety-provoking way of thinking is catastrophic thinking.

This kind of thinking often includes the phrase "what if...". For example, "What if the plane crashes?" "What if the child is on drugs?" "What if I get into a car accident?"

How to reverse catastrophic thinking? We can do this in three steps:

The first step is to identify distorted thinking. At this point, we have to convert concerns into affirmative statements. For example, replace "What if the plane crashes?" with "I think the plane is going to crash."

The second step is to question the validity of the distorted view. Try asking yourself questions like: How likely is the feared event to happen? Has this happened frequently before? If the worst happens, is it really impossible to deal with it?

The third step is to replace distorted views with realistic ideas. This requires us to start from reality and objectively evaluate the reality, so that we can slowly accept reality and get out of anxiety.

2. Filter, i.e. focus only on negative information.

For example, when someone says something to you, you only pay attention to the bad part and don't listen to the good part.

How to deal with it: Force yourself to focus on the positive side of things.

3. Polarized thinking, that is, thinking that things are either black or white, good or bad.

For example, a mother who wants to be a good mother is late for school one morning. She felt like an unqualified mom and started getting anxious.

How to deal with it: Use percentages to define yourself. For example: "20% of my performances are not good enough, but 80% of my performances are still excellent."

Don't let anxiety ruin your efforts, the most effective way to relieve anxiety is to start from reality

4. Overgeneralization, i.e. drawing general conclusions based on one piece of evidence or a single event.

For example, once I got motion sickness on a train, I would never take a train again.

Coping: Substitute numbers for adjectives that describe your feelings. For example, "I lost a lot" to "I lost a total of 4,000 yuan". The two feel different.

5. To see through the minds of others, that is, to speculate on the minds of others.

How to deal with it: When guessing what others are thinking, remind yourself not to guess blindly. A lot of the troubles in life are just guessed by oneself.

6. Amplify, that is, exaggerate the seriousness of the problem.

How to deal with it: Stop using words like "terrible," "I can't take it," and "terrible." Instead, tell yourself, "I can handle it" and "I can handle it just fine."

7. Personalization, that is, to think that what others say and do is related to oneself, and love to compare with others, and build one's own value on the contrast with others.

Coping methods: When you think other people's reactions are related to you, don't jump to conclusions without getting reasonable evidence; when comparing with others, remind yourself that everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

8. "Should" statements, i.e. having a strict set of rules for the behavior of oneself and others.

Such as "I should be the perfect person" "He should do this".

How to deal with it: When we have a "should" statement, we need to look for some exceptions and tell ourselves that there are often people who are not and are doing fine.

Don't let anxiety ruin your efforts, the most effective way to relieve anxiety is to start from reality

2. Stop worrying and live in the moment

I have a lot of negative examples on the topic of anxiety. I find that once I induce anxiety because of something, I will spend a lot of time doing psychological construction and comfort myself to relieve anxiety. In fact, the time spent preparing for this event is very little, which inevitably leads to The outcome of things was far from ideal. This creates bad cues, you see, I'm rightly anxious, and next time something like this happens, I'll be even more anxious.

Such a negative cycle starts with you not living in the present moment, focusing on the things you worry about and worry about. The right thing to do is - and this is my later successful experience - imagine the worst case, the worst is like this, you can accept it, right? Wherever you are, focus on doing what you can do now, and stop worrying about the outcome.

When you're worried, there are two things you can do:

One is to divert attention.

There are many ways to divert attention. For example, let the body move, you can do sports, you can also do housework. Find someone to chat with. Do deep relaxation exercises for 20 minutes. Listen to beautiful music. Experience pleasurable things, such as watching interesting movies and eating delicious food. Show creativity, such as painting, playing the piano, making handicrafts.

The second is dissociation.

Dissociation is the process of getting rid of the entanglement of useless thoughts and stopping the process of merging with them. In dissociating from thoughts, we will recognize that these thoughts are just a series of words and images in the mind.

Dissociation is divided into two steps. The first step is to be aware of your current thoughts. At this point, we can say to ourselves, "What is going on in my heart at this moment?" "What is my opinion at this moment?"

The second step, after recognizing the ideas, ask yourself if these ideas are useful and if they can help you.

For example, I feel fat and sad. This is the thinking at the moment. So I have to ask myself, "Is it useful to be sad because I'm fat?" If it doesn't work, then what's the point of being sad. Is it better to stop being sad and do something meaningful, such as improving through exercise. This is the process of dissociation.

In short, dissociation is what allows us to let go of useless thoughts, whether they are true or false.

Common dissociation methods are as follows.

①Be aware of your inner thoughts, that is, pay attention to what you are thinking about at the moment, and write it down on paper.

②Categorize ideas. When you become aware of a thought, start with "My current thoughts are..." and say the thought.

③Imagine the leaves floating in the stream. Picture yourself sitting on the edge of a stream, with leaves falling on the water and drifting by. At this point, you can put your thoughts on the leaves and let them float away.

④Imagine a computer screen. Imagine your thoughts appearing on a computer screen, constantly changing fonts, colors, and shapes.

⑤ Sing out the idea. For example, use the tune of "Birthday Song" to sing the idea of ​​"I am a loser".

Don't let anxiety ruin your efforts, the most effective way to relieve anxiety is to start from reality

3. Exercise more and take care of yourself.

In addition to the way of thinking, regular exercise, taking care of yourself, and taking care of your body and soul are very important for staying away from stress and anxiety and maintaining physical and mental health.

Regular exercise has many benefits for the body. For example, cardiopulmonary function, skin, sleep, and neurotransmitter secretion are all related to exercise. There are many ways to exercise, here are some of them, you can choose the right one according to your own situation:

Running: Jog 3 miles at a time, 4-5 times a week.

Swimming: 20 to 30 minutes each time, 4 to 5 times a week.

Cycling: 15 mph, 3-5 times a week.

Aerobics: 45 to 60 minutes each time, 3 to 5 times a week.

Brisk walking: 3 miles per hour, 4 to 5 times a week.

Taking care of yourself means getting enough sleep, entertainment and free time in your daily life. Take care of yourself, and you can do that by scheduling your free time.

Free time refers to the time when you let go of what you're doing to rest and recharge. It falls into three categories: rest time, pastime time, and relationship time.

Rest time is the time when you suspend all activities to allow yourself to exist quietly. Such as lying down listening to music, meditating.

Recreation time refers to the time to engage in activities that replenish energy and reshape yourself. Such as fishing, hiking, baking bread.

Relationship time refers to putting aside personal goals and responsibilities and enjoying time with people at ease. "People" here includes partners, children, parents, friends, pets, etc.

The ideal amount of free time is: 1 hour per day, 1 day per week, 1 week every 12-16 weeks.

In addition, you can take care of yourself in the following ways:

Get a good night's sleep.

Take a nap during the day, such as a 15-minute nap.

Read books that shape the soul.

Take time for sensual pleasures, such as taking a hot bath, visiting the park, and buying flowers for yourself.

May we all live a life without anxiety. Life is not easy, so why bother? Share with you.