You are not independent yet, you will come back to make up after all

Society is so complex, and in this turbulent world, how to maintain the independence of personality is especially important for anyone.

Life teaches us the greatest truth: rely on yourself. In work and life, we are the greatest support.

People often regard communication as an ability, but ignore that independence is an important ability, and in a certain sense, it is a more important ability than communication. On the other hand, it is a pity to be not good at communication, and it is not a serious defect to fail to maintain one's own independence.

Independence is an important lesson in intimacy, and as long as we fail, we will come back to make up for it.

You are not independent yet, you will come back to make up after all

01

Independence lies in the independence of life and personality

An independent personality seems to be a very illusory concept, but when it is implemented in real life, it can be interpreted as knowing how to take care of oneself.

The link between caring about what others think and building an independent, confident personality is delicate.

Social psychology believes that the formation of the self comes from the evaluation and feedback of others, and others are a mirror for individuals to understand themselves. Much of our evaluation and identification of ourselves has to do with the evaluations of our parents, teachers, and friends. Therefore, as a social person, we usually pay attention to other people's evaluation of ourselves.

Furthermore, people with independent personalities know how to deal with the things they encounter, and they also know how to enjoy life to the fullest. In the face of current and future ups and downs, they have the ability to resolve them, instead of being arranged by their parents.

The person who can interpret this independent personality most perfectly has been Sima Qian since ancient times. He left to later generations a "Historical Records" that is admired and eclipsed by mountains and rivers. It can be said that the pen is like a knife. Emperor Wu of the Han wanted to burn the "Historical Records" after reading it. Even so, Sima Qian did not compromise, and interpreted the personality and conscience of a historian with practical actions. In the process of completing the "Records of the Grand Historian", Sima Qian endured insults that ordinary people could not endure, and experienced hardships that ordinary people had never experienced, which is definitely not comparable to ordinary people.

But each of us ordinary people do not need to achieve such a state of ascetic who is striving forward. In other words, it is enough to live independently, not to be obsessed with the past, and not to be afraid of the future.

You are not independent yet, you will come back to make up after all

02

Independence lies in emotional maturity

Love is a matter between two people, and relying on each other is the ideal state. But in the process of interdependence, it is crucial to be able to maintain their independence from beginning to end.

Independence here means not to devote 100% of your energy and hope to your relationship. Because it is easy for you to lose yourself and be led by the nose, and in the end, the gains are often more than the gains.

Those who keep giving will expect something in return. Most of us don't believe in selfless devotion in relationships, it's anti-human. Everyone is mortal, and everyone who has sincerely paid for their feelings must have more or less expectations in their hearts. But this is precisely the crux of the problem.

Once the other party cannot give a positive response or return for various reasons, the party who pays will feel a sense of loss, and the backlog of loss will evolve into a negative emotion to a certain extent. The most typical example is that the payer will think: "I have done so much for you, why don't you...?"

This kind of thinking exists in both the pursuit period and the love period. Many people have been trapped in this and cannot extricate themselves. This is emotional kidnapping. People who fall into emotional kidnapping tend to go to extremes. Buying drunk late at night, moaning without a problem, in a trance, lack of energy, dying or living... There is no benefit other than hurting your own body.

The key to solving this problem lies within ourselves. It's about changing the way you choose to invest and give from the very beginning. That is: to dedicate a part of the energy in the relationship to other things in life, so as to reduce the overall expectation of the relationship. Don't love too much, leave room for yourself.

You are not independent yet, you will come back to make up after all

03

In addition to independence, it is more to give and give

Generally, confident people hear more positive, positive, and accepting comments, and thus feel more in control of their lives.

Many people have been pursuing a self-sufficient and independent living state, which is also an optimal mode of getting along with the outside world. But gradually I found that I didn't care about others or even everyone around me, I became more and more indifferent, and the emotional interaction became less and less. It was indeed independent, but this state was not as perfect as I imagined.

In fact, the essence of life is loneliness and connection. For example: No matter how independent a monk is, his heart and beliefs are linked, and no matter how isolated the artist is, he still tries to use his works to communicate with the outside world.

An independent personality also contains independent emotions. At least it will not be easily incited by cheap words and emotions, but always remain rational.

Independence is survival, then connection is life. The charm of personality comes from the independence of personality, and whether a person is attractive depends on whether his life is simple and delicate, whether his attitude is firm and soft, and whether his emotions are peaceful and rational.

From how a person interacts with others, you can especially see his life. It doesn't depend on whether the relationship is good or not, how many friends there are, and whether various interpersonal relationships are harmonious. Good popularity may be due to his easy-going personality, or it may be because he is a smooth person, which cannot explain the problem by itself.

Being independent is a beautiful moment and a beautiful experience in life. Independence is a necessary space for the soul to grow, we withdraw from others and affairs and return to ourselves.